Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I just got a defective pre-wrapped toothpick with my lunch. Is there no such thing as quality control anymore? I could have seriously splintered my beautiful, pillowy lips, and very few people want to make out with a guy with a gushing bloodfountain for a mouth. Goth girls, I guess, are the only people I can think of who would. Maybe a dude at the tail end of a month-long hunger strike. Or a zombie, but you know he'd only be kissing me for what's behind my face. Sigh. Zombies.
     Another irritating absence impends, maybe: I have been "selected" (read: bureaucratically ass-raped) for jury duty in the Kings County Civil Court starting Monday at EIGHT. FORTY. FIVE. A. M. Oh mah gah they must be joking. Didn't they read yesterday's post? Well, they sent me this card that says like "you may have to serve Monday at 8:45am, but give us a call after 5pm the night before," which is intended to fill me with false hope that they'll say "No! You don't have to serve! Watch Adult Swim and sleep til your normal time, tender citizen." BULLSHIT. It's a telephonic fakeout. I bet's it's even an answering machine. Hold on.... dialing.... listening.... oh hot donkey balls. I was right, a machine: "We are asking that all jurors attend" a first-class fucksuck waste of time! Glaargle!
     Add this to my weepy list of stressors: four or five times a year, I host a trivia night at Pete's Candy Store in Wmsburg. It's a lot of fun, and it's very difficult, and my partners and I have a reputation for being good hosts who devise challenging quizzes that entertain and edify and Jesus fuck I sound like a nerd. Um... did I mention the trivia groupies who act as fluffers for the duration of the quiz? Who's a nerd now, bee-yotch? ANYWAY we just found out that for some unholy reason, a CBS evening news crew will be at our quiz, pointing their hairy lenses in our oily faces. This makes us nervous. All weekend plans have been scrapped in favor of preparation. I am sweating right now, and I think I have to take a nervous poop. Well, at least I'll have something to do during all those hours I might otherwise be asleep (planning, I mean. Not pooping). Goodbye forever.
posted by Universal Donor 5:41 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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