Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

 
To: Self
Re: Sweetheart Killers
She is out of jail now, yes, on parole for good behavior. She was cute but untouchable back then, sweet sixteen and probably been kissed an awful lot. Daphne Abdela (scroll down to "Killing Field"), so rich, and so sociopathic! Is there anything sexier? But it's not a good idea, dude. She's only 23, and perhaps a little more unstable than the mildly insane liberal arts girls you're used to hanging out with. They're Dr. Bronner's and Daphne is, like, that tub of pink shit that mechanics use to remove oil and epidermis from their working-class hands. Oh hands! Also, the fucking Post put her on their cover today, which means that you will have competition for her affections. I bet there's a crowd right now outside 115 CPW, waiting with cards and flowers. SKIP IT.

To: Awesome Neighbor
Re: This morning's train ride
How come you are so awesome, next-door neighbor? I saw you on the platform, and you gave me a look like "I am a dead dead zombie and you don't even want to try to talk to me on this train ride." To which I was like, in my head, "Awesome! Because we both have books to read! And I can't do it neither! Blaargle! I'ma siddown now! Talk when caffeine in, other time is!"

To: The weather
Re: The weather
You are stupidly irritating. Why you gonna warm up enough that the hip-high mounds of grey-black snow-ice will melt just a little, leaving the sidewalks slick, and then freeze again? Life is one big "capade" to you? Are you a hockey fan? Because I'm going to have a donnybrook on your fucking gay face. WARM IT UP.

To: The shower
Re: The shower
I promise to come visit you soon. It's not that I don't love you. It's just that I am busy and tired. If I ever get home before midnight, I swear. Maybe this weekend.

To: My sheets
Re: The shower
I promise to visit the shower soon. I am sorry.

To: My pillowcase
Re: Grease strengthens fibers, I hear
So it's ok that you are, um, fucking translucent. Fuck. Did somebody use you to carry around some Fritos, or what? Uckle. You are revolting. Aww, who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at you! C'mere!

posted by Universal Donor 5:09 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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