Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Who isn't excited about the new slam-bang hi-res Mars pictures? Gee whiz, pops, I sure as heck am! In "3-D" you say? Where do I click? This picture is awesome, dad! Or at least it would be -- if I were a fucking 10-year-old in 1950 and had a pair of goddamn 3-D glasses jammed inside the lunchbox buried in the yard under my tree fort. Fuck you, JPL!
     Are businessmen retarded? Aside from the fact that they pretend to care about Mars only so they won't look uninformed during pre-meeting banter, they do not dress appropriately for the weather. Bizarrely enough, they have this in common with the terminally hip. Yes, Mr. Jean Jacket, your denim is distressed and it would be a shame to cover it up, but YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT when it's cold as Hoth out there. Do you think girls like idiots? Well, okay, you're right, but even a real moron-magnet won't let you shove your hands down her underpants if they're chapped and blue. And you, Mr. Biz, your socks are too thin, and no amount of cheerful hand-rubbing or collar-upturning will keep you from looking like evolution's oversight. I know that the corporate law uniform contains no concessions to temperatures other than the air-conditioned confines of your warrens, but your black blood must keep flowing if you're gonna keep up your poor-fucking quota. I swear, if this weather stays chilly, the streets will clot up with an unnavigable labyrinth of frozen fucktards, stalagmitic hipsticles and bizzicles who didn't listen to mommy about the cold. Maybe I'll start carrying a bat to smash them into a huggamajillion pieces, like those sci-fi movie bad guys who stumble stupidly into the futubiquitous streams of liquid nitrogen.
     To keep warm, I enjoy cool media. Though neither businessmen nor hipsters will admit to watching QEftSG, I will, because even if last night was my first time, I feel intimate enough about it to refer to the show by its initials upon first mention. Cue Eee for tha Ess Gee. I almost cried when that one guy had to teach the fake rocker veejay dude how to make a smoothie after all the other guys had wrought some kind of major, transformative magic. And the rocker SG fucked up his first solo smoothie, too, adding too much tofu, and making his girlfriend wonder after one sip if she were in some kind of hidden-camera bukkake show.
     But the show was good and if I had addictive tendencies or an attention span, I might get hooked. You might like it too, but it's hard to say if you have enough love left in your head for five pampered, overindulged poofs on parade. Use this question to determine the answer: when you say "homage" with a French accent, are you joking or serious?
posted by Universal Donor 1:55 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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