Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I have a short workday today, for no particular reason, and that drives me crazy. What am I supposed to do at 3pm? I guess I'll go flirt with the girl at the Scientology bookstore. I'll put on my skeptic face, offer her a cigarette, and chat in that way that implies I'm open-minded and ripe for conversion, maybe over lunch. Why? Because I think the Church of Scientology owes me lunch for having to watch Battlefield Earth. OH GOD. Now I was either drunk, under the influence of powerful hallucinogens, or I had a fever, or maybe I had a concussion. I can't remember a single scene from the movie -- just a couple of still shots of Barry Pepper's flaring nostrils, which conveyed no emotion more powerfully than "I am going to eat my agent's brain after I whip it in his skull like a soft-boiled egg." Except with a lot of exclamation points, because that movie was one big gray-green exclamation point screaming "Do not watch me! Watch a bedsore ooze instead." I didn't rent it. I don't know how it got in my house, or into my VCR, or how I got onto the couch in front of the television and how the play button got pressed. But I do know that I want lunch. Two hours of free lunch.
     Last night I showed my father the recent Simpsons episode that featured Thomas Pynchon, because Dad likes Thomas Pynchon. Neither my father nor my stepmother had ever seen an entire Simpsons episode, mostly because my dad has this thing where he feels that if he watches something on FOX, he is personally cradling Rupert Murdoch's balls in his mouth. An upsetting concept, to be sure -- but if it keeps you from watching the Simpsons, who's the real loser? My little half-sister, age 10, had an attack of "tummy upset" exactly at bedtime, and since we ate the same sushi I got seriously worried that I'd get a similar attack of diarrhea on the hour-long subway ride home. Turned out I was fine, and when I called my full sister, age 25, she said she was in the middle of making dinner, specifically dumpling soup, which I thought was fucking hilarious. "You know," I said, "Caroline was making dumpling soup earlier, too!" Then I laughed out loud at my reflection in the dark television screen.
     I got a haircut the other day, and once the initial cleanliness wore off, it started looking pretty good. At first I looked a little like Reggie. This morning I got all the way to work without realizing I had a bad case of bedhead, which you should understand is only sexy if it looks like you just finished tossing your head around a pillow in throes of orgasm. Not if you look like you sleep a lot. Not that anybody looking at my eye luggage thinks I sleep a lot. I always look like I get less sleep than Paris Hilton during fleet week oh no he di'n't! Yes. Yes, he did. Not only that, but this: the bigger of my little sisters asked me: "Did Janet Jackson release a single?" and I was like "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID." Boo-yaa!
posted by Universal Donor 3:23 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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