Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  My sister left me a voicemail at around midnight Eastern, saying she had some news and an important question for me. The news was that she's moving out of her horrorshow apartment sitch, and the question was whether I fold or crumple toilet paper before use. She was excited about moving, and understandably so because her roommate is a supercreepy thirtysomething Asian dude who: apparently has a son across town but doesn't really participate in his life; has a lock on his door but won't let my sister put a lock on hers; has hinted that he has installed hidden cameras in the apartment; and if that's not enough you can call me and I'll give you more stuff. But really she's excited about her toidypaper poll, which she says so far it looks like: men fold, women crumple. (Which would be an awesome metaphor for patterns of emotional collapse, if only it were true, but after seeing Mystic River I'm not so sure.)
     I told my sister that folding reflects men's rational nature, and the crumpling women's emotional nature. Then I said "LOL." She said that she had been wondering if the folding thing was just gay men, because so far her sample size had been very small and the men exclusively gay. Like maybe her poll subjects consisted of herself and that guy over there. I should tell you now that I do not want to see the comments page filled with people declaring their position on the TP-configuration debate, because I think it's about as uninteresting and arbitrary as the over/under-toilet-paper-roll-installation-debate, which I once vowed that the next time I heard someone pose this question as a conversational icebreaker I would cut them open and fill them with rocks. Also I realize that telling you demented children not to do something is like trying to extinguish an kitchen fire by throwing bacon at it.
     In other bathroom news, electric shavers are totally for shit. Not in the way that toilet paper is -- I just mean they don't shave very well. After twenty minutes of smearing my dad's Braun across my tender faceflesh, I had sickly patches of hairless mange interspersed randomly with shallow swaths of bristle. FUCK IT. I hate scraping hair off my face under any circumstances, but at least a razor blade will actually remove the hair most of the time, even if it also ends up taking with it as much epidermis as a centurion's flail on Jesus' scapula. And speaking of blood, I am proud to announce that, despite the perennial popularity of the blood type O, this website is now the #1 hit when you search google for the term Universal Donor.
posted by Universal Donor 5:07 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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