Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

---

feed it up! | UD email

- Archives - 04/01/2002 - 05/01/2002 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002 06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002 07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002 08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010

---

You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

---

PAGES UD MADE:

---

My Books Page

---

My Reviews Page

---

My Reference Page

---

My Music Page

---

My Pictures

---

My Store

---

UD-RELATED PAGES:

---

My LiveJournal

---

My MySpace music page

---

My Flickr page

---

My del.icio.us page

---

My Last.fm page

---

My Amazon Wishlist

---

HEAVY ROTATION

---

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

---

BLOGS ETC

---

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

---

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

---

dead amusement pks
craters!

---

all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

---

Hosted by:
HostRocket.Com

Comments by:
YACCS

  SITE STATS



PRAISE & REVIEWS

---

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

---

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

---

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

---

Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

---

• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  CLEANING HOUSE. I write all my posts in a Notepad document until publication, at which point I delete them from Notepad. But I frequently write abortive sentences or paragraphs, stubs of future posts that may never come to be. On the assumption that my detritus is more precious than the most hand-wringingly reworked final drafts of most Bloggers, I present to you the best of my flotsam. Call it the laziest post of the year, but fuck y'all because my mind is gone. I can't hold a thought for longer than a minute. My head's like a cheesecloth balloon. Um. So here:
I seem to be the only person who wasn't savagely disappointed by the Matrix sequel, but that's because I always switch my brain from "be critical" to "enjoy" after paying ten bucks to see a movie. I had plenty of legroom, the movie was in focus, and Andie MacDowell wasn't in it. That's about all I need from a movie. It wasn't as good as the original, but come on and get serious now. The only thing that's better the second time is sex with Gregor. But Matrix: Reloaded rocks because I've never seen a movie that made me want to go back and watch Jesus Christ Superstar again.
This morning I willed a seat into existence on the subway by giving two riders the impression there was a giant cockroach crawling between them. With my brain I did this. They slid apart, making a cozy wedge of plastic available for my skinny ass, but unfortunately a grandmothery type got crushed into a fine powder when the Jabba-looking dude at the end of the seat [unfinished]
Someone needs to make these deluded psychos chew on their Kryptonite locks until they're sorry.
Sometimes people think of zombies as an army. It's understandable; wave after wave of undead fiends, baying for brains, can appear awfully martial as they crest the hill between your house and the potter's field. But an army implies a hierarchical structure, organization, and command -- zombies have none of these.
Cats are terrible creatures with an uncanny sense of dander distribution. They can instantly detect which objects in a room aren't covered with dander -- say, the parka of a severe allergy sufferer -- and act to remedy the situation as fast as felinely possible.
Hey dudes -- your band sucks, and when the endless well of beer, pussy, and youth dries up, then where will you be?
Be glad you don't live in my head, Part one: stream of consciousness transcript #1: five minutes on the subway: You can't "sort of" do the Atkins Diet, or modify it to your taste, because your "taste" invariably seems to involve Belgian Waffles with strawberries and pure maple syrup. "No carbs" does not mean "some carbs that don't count because I held my breath while I swallowed them," or "Snickers wrapped in spinach." Oh, Lady, I'm this close to causing you violence, so please, Lady, hurry. Because it is not "rocket science," as they say, but simply A FUCKING METROCARD. Swipe it swipe it swipe it! Faster faster again glargle! Geep! Foosh! Oh finally. I remember when I would have bounded down these stairs three at a time. Why was I in such a hurry? I was probably just showing off for invisible admirers. Aren't there always invisible admirers? Yes, and so I must always look fabulous. Ha. Double Ha. Why do I sweat like this? It's not even that hot, yet these rivulets rush down my head with the doggedness of alien blood eating through spaceship metal. Rick Springfield -- I never paid much attention to you, Rick, but goddamn if "Love is All Right Tonight" hasn't been stuck in my head for a week now. Kudos, and fuck off.
An anonymous reader asks: "Who would win in a war between bees and zombies?" Well, that's a pretty retarded question. What could they possibly fight about? What does either have that the other wants? Nothing. Bees want flowers and zombies want brains. It is more than possible for zombies and bees to peacefully coexist.
FearNotMusic: from the times: "Manatee Deaths Spur Debate"
FearNotMusic: can you imagine the debates?
FearNotMusic: I am fiercely pro-manatee deaths.
Norko: have you considered it from the manatee's point of view?
FearNotMusic: of course. and i have determined that their position is fundamentally flawed.
Norko: the social construction of manatee "victims"
FearNotMusic: exactly.
FearNotMusic: also, imagine if manatees never died?
FearNotMusic: it'd be, like, manatees everywhere.
Norko: i prefer to call them personatees
FearNotMusic: fucking hippie.
posted by Universal Donor 2:18 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

---

You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

---

---

MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

---

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

---

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

---

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

---

PET PEEVES

---

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans

---