Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Coworker 1 reported this morning that Coworker 2 couldn't come in today because "he has the runnies." Which is first of all horrifying because CW2 told CW1 exactly why he couldn't come in, second of all weird because CW1 told EVERYONE ELSE, and third of all hilarious because I thought CW1 said that CW2 had "the bunnies." Woo! Henceforth, diarrhea will be referred to as the bunnies. Think about it and I'm sure you'll agree the term is even more appealing and evocative than its predecessor: "Dude, my trip to [Mexican spring break location] was so fuckin' rad, dude! Until like day three, when I was in this dance contest sponsored by GGW and I was totally freaking on this mad hot chick from UNLV and I totally got the mad explosive bunnies all over her thigh! Dude! Then my bro Chipster got the bunnies, too, and we couldn't leave the hotel room for the rest of the week! We were like two totally buff rabbits hippity-hopping back and forth to the bathroom, dude! SPRING BREAK! BUNNIES!" There. Now that I've seared my coinage indelibly into your brain, I can move on.
     I went to a new doctor this morning and even though there was NOBODY else in the freaking office, I had to wait in my nad-flashing gown for half an hour. I went through an accelerated stages of grief over this ignominy, just like I always do: denial ("I'm sure he'll be here soon"), anger ("Fancy mister doctor pants got something better to do? Like eating hot bowls of dick?"), bargaining ("If he comes in here within the next two minutes, I won't take a dump on his fucking mail order diploma"), depression ("My formerly unbreakable spirit requires a new, more accurate adjective"), acceptance ("Zzzzzzz"), this last of which is very satisfying.
     But any thoughts about educating the doctor about the less-maybe-than-his-but-still-distinctly-non-zero value of My Own Personal Time went out the air vent when I saw him. Dude had a dueling scar. I shizzle you nizzle. He waited a moment for the effect to sink in, which it did. Because check it out. If you have a dueling scar it means: 1) you had a fucking duel, 2) you used swords in your duel, which I don't need to tell you makes you a redonculous badass, 3) the other guy is totally dead, and you killed his ass. Also, 4) one of you was very easily offended.
     SO TAKE YOUR TIME, DOCTOR DUELING SCAR. I don't even own a pair of gloves. I'm'a just sit here and read about Catskill Vacation Spots for the Violently Incontinent or whatever in this old people magazine. PLEASE HAVE A CUP OF TEA AND A QUAALUDE. NO. HURRY. AT ALL.
posted by Universal Donor 3:40 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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