UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
|
||
|
Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu  feed it up!
| UD email
You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield 
Hosted by: HostRocket.Com Comments by: YACCS PRAISE & REVIEWS "[UD] is a genius." --Christian Oates "[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not." --Tricia Howey MOTTO egeo huic vigorum MY WRESTLING NAME Titan Gently MY PUNK NAME Razor Ection 
WHO LINKS TO UD? • from Technorati • from Google • from Yahoo and here's something weird: my place in Humor 3-space |
Friday, May 07, 2004
After reading Anne's post from the other day, I am relieved that other people are experiencing sunlight-related sleeping troubles. I have sleep problems, too, Anne. People who don't have sleep problems just don't understand. You and I should get together and commiserate. But we must agree that, no matter where we are -- bus station, gas station, weigh station, pub -- if one of us wants to take a quick catnap, the other will guard the sleeper's wallet, cigarettes, and genitals from the grubby fingers of the local color.
Monday I went to work feeling refreshed after five hours of sleep. That was a little bizarre, because I usually require seven hours, but I didn't question it. Tuesday the fatigue from the weekend's painty labors fell like a cast-iron shit-hammer. I woke with spasming back cramps and called in sick and slept 'til 4pm. Turns out the NuRu did too. That's fourteen hours of sleep, for those of you keeping score at home. Wednesday morning was unremarkable. Thursday I woke 1.5 hours before my wake time because I hadn't pulled my blackout shades, and the sun came into my room like a younger sibling on a Saturday morning who wants you to wake up and play. I wrapped a t-shirt around my head, but I couldn't get back to sleep, so I just flopped around like a fish on a pier until the alarm went off. Last night I passed out on the couch at 1:30 and had to move to my bedroom, which woke me up. At 2am I was wide awake, so I took an Ambien. At 2:40 I thought maybe I couldn't sleep because I hadn't had a cigarette for a couple hours, so I had one. That's right, stimulants to sleep. Then I took another Ambien, and that's 20mgs for you scorekeeps. I hate this shit. Who sleeps well? I have guesses: Physical laborers. People who get exercise. People with high-quality mattresses. People who don't spent all day ingesting a ridiculous roller-coaster cocktail of stimulants, like my morning one-two-three of large coffee and 15mgs of Ritalin and a couple cigarettes, or my all-day ingestion of sugars unburned by my sedentary office-chair existence! Fuckdonkeys! Who sleeps well? The fulfilled. Security guards. Hookers on days off. The beloved of God. Children who spent their days running around kicking things. Musicians on tour who fall face-forward onto a nice hotel bed for once, after weeks of snoozing in the van. Hobos full of wine. Cats. I know there are people who have never had a twinge of pain that wasn't related to a specific and recent trauma. My Stepfather claims that he's never had a headache or a backache, the show-offy motherfucker. I think he's a liar, or is experiencing a semantic dissonance that keeps him from recognizing his pains as the things that other people call "headache" and "backache," but it's complicated to accuse someone of this. Isn't it kind of like that 20-year-old girl at college who was like "I've never had an orgasm," and everybody is like "What?!?! Really??" as they reach for diverse lubes and thrumming, studded devices, and the girl is like "well... I don't think I have." And everybody goggles their eyes like muppets and says "OMG you'd TOTALLY know!" as they flip on their devices and gamely converge on the lass in the spirit of sexual magnanimity. And it sounds reasonable, because shouldn't she recognize a fucking orgasm? Well. Your first migraine is a real eye-opener. Or rather, eye-closer, because light feels like rusty kebabs covered with habanero oil being stabbed into your forehead. And you're like, oh, so this is what they were talking about! That other thing I had that time that I thought was a migraine was just a hangover, and was a stroll in a dewy meadow all a-bloom with lilacs and poppies compared to this. Well, If I had a point, it's irretrievably lost. Except I'd like to offer a big envious fuck you to everyone who can go an entire day without anxiously wrestling open a prescription bottle, and who can fall asleep like falling off a cliff. 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store 
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |