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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
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For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
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BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
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elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
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NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


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Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
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"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
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MY PUNK NAME

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Thursday, May 06, 2004
 
All right, sorry for the lacuna, but Heroic Third Roommate moved out last weekend and the new roommate and I have been painting the apartment (Until he earns a characteristic moniker, he'll be NuRu, kay?). So I've been picking tiny bits of white plastic off my skin and inhaling fumes by the cubic yard, not to mention the fact that I got more exercise last weekend than I have in a year, which makes me tired and cranky and generally not in a posty mood. Last night I cleaned the upper reaches of the kitchen, which were covered with seven years of caked-on fuzz-grease. That shit sticks to your fingers like polyurethane; I had to use a combination of lighter fluid and sandpaper to remove it. Understandably, my posting fingers are a little raw. But the house is beginning to look really nice for the first time in a long time, and soon you can all come over for cocktails and rhubarb pie.
     Now another thing: I am totally fucked, and here is why. I thought I was Mr SmartyPants because I got the cable company to give me a free month of HBO after they made a minor mistake in setting up my new DVR cable box. I thought, hey, I can see The Sopranos live for once. BUT NOW I AM FUCKED. Because I started actually watching HBO. And now, of course, I can never ever stop.
     A little background: I have always resisted HBO because I know myself, and I know that I have a problem with televisual willpower sometimes, and I like quality programming, &c. But I also HATE WATCHING TV. I hate the sedentary feeling in my ass after a five-hour passive viewing session, which believe me is all too possible with HBO. I hate the feeling of lost, useless hours, which compound into lost months and lost years. HTR always wanted HBO, but I wouldn't do it because I knew I'd be fucked.
      Well, I'm fucked. I watched Deadwood last night, and it was fantastic. I watched Chris Rock's newest special, which was not as good as the last, but was still worth seeing once (though NuRu said after five minutes "no, look, he's irrelevant. He took a break for too long and now he's done -- his mantle belongs to Chappelle now," which is kinda true). I watched The Ring the other night, which for all its plentiful narrative holes still left me with like three images that will stalk my pre-sleep headspace for at least a month. I did watch The Sopranos, and I know that if I watched Carnivàle I'd have to sacrifice another hour a week. Also, I saw a promo -- a fucking promo -- for Six Feet Under, with the cast spinning crazily around a supermarket to a Nina Simone song, and this promo was better than anything I've ever seen on network TV. Fucked.
     Oh and I heard on the radio that Gov. Pataki announced the groundbreaking date for construction of the "Freedom Tower" on the old WTC site. And the date is -- what the figgledy fuck? "FREEDOM TOWER?" Oh come on now. Why not call it the "Everything America Stands For Tower" and paint it with concentric red and white circles? Goddamnit.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans