Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  The first day without a cigarette in thirteen years finds me not having so much trouble with the abstinence as with staying awake. What gives? I guess I spent more time sitting in my stupid chair, here, today, without all those smoke breaks. I feel like hot buttered ass. You know that feeling where you are in a situation where it is absolutely impossible for you to sleep (whether due to social or physical restraints on your freedom) but your body won't listen and your eyes keep closing and you keep shaking your head involuntarily to stay awake and all you can think about is how you won't be horizontal for at least a few hours, which might as well be forever, because you can't possibly stay alive that long? Well fuck. I had a little lie-down in a vacant office, and now I feel right as rain, or at least righter than a sewer. Two words, Corporate America: NAP ROOMS!
     The reassuringly long instruction manual for my Nicotine patches says: "Keep the patches between 66° and 75°F; they break down quickly in high temperatures). Oh, well played, GlaxoWellcome! Bravo! I'll just put them in my purely theoretical "magical wonder box" which I say is theoretical because nothing can stay between your ludicrous temperature goalposts in my apartment during the summer, and you know it. Perhaps I could turn the third bedroom into a walk-in humidor, like rich people? Hah. I suppose I could keep the patches at work -- but I don't go to work on weekends. Is that what you wanted, Glaxo, for me to work every day of the week? Fuck you! I'm shomer shabbos, bitches! Should I be at all concerned about the fact that you manufacture both the patch and the Zyban? And that you recommend using both in conjunction for ten fucking weeks? Gabble!
     Hey, they (not Glaxo) cancelled Lollapalooza! Which is a shame, because I didn't even know about it, really. Check out that list of bands, though -- right up my alley, at least six bands I'd really like to see, and I'm sure that's no accident. Perry Farrell is reportedly crying into his wheat grass. How come nobody even mentioned LollaP this year? How come I didn't know? I probably still wouldn't have gone, because that many people make me nervous. Though it looks like it might have ended up as crowded as a midnight gig on a monday night, plenty of room to stretch out and pretend not to enjoy the music as you make fun of other people's clothes.
     And here's a nice image to leave you with in lieu of another story about sweat: earlier today, a muscle spasm in my lower back/hip region actually made me yelp out loud in pain, and a tear burst from my eye like the saddest reverse money shot ever.
posted by Universal Donor 5:42 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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