Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Here is a charming side effect of Bupropion that I forgot about: excessive sweating. Maybe I didn't forget. But if I do forget for a moment, there is a handy reminder for me: fuckloads of sweat pouring down my head if the temperature crests 72°F or if I move more than five feet in less than ten seconds. It's a good thing I'm not trying to get girls to fuck me, or get people to like me, or get people not to keep ten feet away from me on subway platforms for fear of getting whatever it is I've got. It's not contagious, you fucks!
     I especially hate the drops that spill off the tip of my nose like they didn't have various other avenues to choose from, like: behind my ears, down my cheeks, or into an eyebrow. Then again, my eyebrows reach brimming capacity in less than a minute of heavy sweats, and my shirt usually reaches saturation five minutes later, at which point it is no good for draining the eyebrows. But there's a bright side.• Scare people -- which is good if you want to scare people.
• Make your drink salty.
• Slip 'n' Slide on a dry Slip 'n' Slide.
• Achieve that much-sought-after "just stepped out of a shower" look, except it looks like I don't have any towels, which then makes you think "why doesn't he own any towels?"
• Make drip drawings on the sidewalk.
• Die of dehyfuckingdration between my house and the subway.
• Kill zombies.
• Eat a bowl of dick.Oh and here's the other thing about wearing shorts in the summer, which I forgot to mention yesterday. The thing is: if you are a boy and you wear shorts, you must wear striped socks. Well, I have to, anyway. Dark socks are just forget about it, and plain white socks are a ride on the lame train. But for the last year or so I've been looking for stores that sell white tube socks with two colorful stripes at the top. You would not think this a grail-level quest, but fuck me if I can find any store, on either coast (by which I mean New York and a very small strip of Mission Blvd in SF and a sock stand on Venice Beach) that carry the fuckers. It's like somebody invented a neutron bomb that only kills striped tube socks and detonated them everywhere. Nelly would say "e'rryw'err." Various people have claimed the ability to purchase these socks, for me, but no one has come through, because why the fuck are they gonna do my sock shopping for me? All right. Striped socks, goddamnit.
     But wait holy shit! I decided today to search the INTERWEB for my socks, and guess what? Sha-Fucking-Zamm! Check out the selection, too! I just might try out some thrice-strip'd socks, just coz I'm feeling kicky.
     What's my problem, anyway? I spend most of every work day staring at the interweb, and I never thought to search for socks. Why? Because raise your hand if you've ever bought socks online. See? It's like buying toilet paper online. IT DOES NOT HAPPEN. The fuck? Who are you, in the back there, raising your hand at toilet paper? You are a retard. Put down your shortwave radio that runs on a hand-crank and get me a fucking towel!
posted by Universal Donor 1:55 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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