Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I hereby pledge to keep the summertime heat-related posts to a minimum this summer. By this I mean that I will have, let's say, four posts that are primarily about the heat. I may mention the heat tangentially, parenthetically, or as a non sequitur exclamation, like HOLY FUCK IT'S HOT but those don't count towards the four heat-related posts. Neither, of course, does this one, being a meta heat-related paragraph in a mostly not heat-related post. At least, I'm hoping, as I write this first paragraph, that I will come up with enough other crap to write about to make it mostly non heat-related.
     Claudia doesn't like capers. By which I mean the kind you find in salads, not the kind that involve Muppets chasing diamonds or whatever. How can you not like capers? They're fucking awesome. But Claude can't hang with the capers. She could hang with me, however, and hang we did. I saw Claudia a lot during my visit to California, which was good, and all my L.A. friends want her to be their friend too. That's how cool is Claudia, if you didn't know already.
     Here are some things Claudia likes: Drinking. Smoking. Her dog. Karaoke.
     Here are some things she doesn't like: Capers. Traffic. Haters.
     Okay, maybe that's not such a huge revelation. Nobody likes traffic. I want to say more about Claudia, but I don't want to ruin her mystique for those of you who read her stuff, and I don't want to bore those of you who don't. Mystique? Oh yeah. Still mystiquey. Now I must type "mesquite" to see how similar those words are. Huh. One letter away from an anagram.
     ITEM! The concierge in the lobby of my office building just said the word "phalanx" to me. I bet he was saving it up all day, having read it in a Times article. He didn't just walk up to me and say "phalanx," of course. He used it in context. And he mispronounced it. Still, I applaud him! Phalanx is good. I bet it was even dictionary.com's word of the day, once, though I'm not gonna check.
     ITEM! The Quittening has not actually started yet. I'm going to rock the full dose of Zyban for a week before I try to stop. But I am very excited about being able to breathe. I think I need more oxygen.
     ITEM! I hate wearing shorts, but pants are too hot. What to do? At least I'm not a Mormon. Mormons have to wear sacred long underwear all the time, every day of their lives. I am not in the least bit joking. And I do not mention this to ridicule their faith, but only to express sympathy for those who must conform to that sweaty observance. Also many Mormons, as you may know, live in Utah, which is hot. HOT!
     ITEM! My attention span has reached new lows, duration-wise. Or new highs, brevity-wise, depending on your outlook. This obnoxious item format is a ploy to make it all seem intentional. But look, I feel like every time I try to focus on some task or another, someone walks up behind me and hits me with a very soft mallet, soft enough that I can't feel it consciously, but it jars the place where attention is maintained out of its groove. The Softest Bullet Ever Shot. Fuck.
posted by Universal Donor 4:24 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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