UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu  feed it up!
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You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield 
Hosted by: HostRocket.Com Comments by: YACCS PRAISE & REVIEWS "[UD] is a genius." --Christian Oates "[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not." --Tricia Howey MOTTO egeo huic vigorum MY WRESTLING NAME Titan Gently MY PUNK NAME Razor Ection 
WHO LINKS TO UD? • from Technorati • from Google • from Yahoo and here's something weird: my place in Humor 3-space |
Friday, July 02, 2004
Memoranda To: Office Chair Re: How you lie to me You look comfortable, chair, but you're not. You look like you'll support my back, but you don't. It seems like a good idea that you tilt backwards, but it's not. Your fabric is supposed to be "breathable," but my ass is hot. You are uneven in a startlingly fickle way -- if I want a level seating surface I have to rotate your wheely-base thing so that ONE of your wheelyspokes points South, and that is retarded. ------------------------------------ To: My high school valedictorian CC: My high school senior class president Re: Whereabouts Where are you now, you smug, overachieving bastards? I googled you. Where you at? The sludge has sucked you under. One of you is lost in the static of your popular last name, which you share with 1/10th of the population of China, which is a lot of people. The other of you has a name so obscure that your absence from googledom mean your are either totally lame, having accomplished nothing for all your plaudits, or you are dead. If the latter, I'm sorry for mocking you. But I don't think you're dead. Didn't I see you at the reunion? ------------------------------------ To: Self Re: The previous memo Did you really just mock the valedictorian? Puh-lease give me a break. I can't even begin to address the lameness that implies about you. 1) You should not be thinking about high school people. 2) You should not be mentally antagonizing HS classmates. 3) Especially not the valedictorian and the class prez, because it's not like those positions held a lot of social value, and what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? Enough. ------------------------------------ To: Thursday New York Times Crossword Puzzle Re: Your difficulty, or lack thereof What happened? You used to challenge me, and you used to require at least a half hour of my time. Now it's like my pen never stops moving. That's Monday through Wednesday's job, keeping my pen moving. You're supposed to give my pen a breather. My pen is panting. Its tip is friction-hot, scorching the newsprint. Be harder! What's a four-letter word for you? LAME. ------------------------------------ To: The previous memo Re: Your irritatingness Shut up, memo above this one. Nobody is impressed by nerdytards. ------------------------------------ To: Claudia Re: The squirrel story at the end of your post Fucking Gross. I'm'a vomit down my shirt now. "Munching." Oh sweet RRAAALLFFFFF! ------------------------------------ To: iTunes Re: I heart you so much... ...Because you do everything better than your competitors. I don't know why I didn't install you at work sooner. I've loved you at home on my Mac, but I didn't even think about using you on a PC until one day I just woke up. You are the bizzity blizzomb. With no work at all, you make this, which makes my heart aches with love for you. 111010010010101010. I just removed RealStupidPlayer from my machine because there's no room for the both of you in my perfect world. Real was a hydrocephalic baby birthed by Big Mama Software, and I'm the old-timey obstetrician who strangled him as he emerged from her womb to spare her the pain, the tears. You are my star. You are my JonBenet, my pretty angel who will win win win! You will go to Harvard and fulfill all the dreams I never could, the means through which I atone for disappointing my parents! You will be the most tortured bouillabaisse of metaphor this blog has ever seen! You are a pill I take to make monsters go away. You are an ergonomic chair. You are my north, my south, my east and west; My lurking geek, my yum breakfast; My boon, my fistfight, my Bach, my Pong. I thought I was stuck with RealOne forever ... I was wrong. ------------------------------------ To: Self Re: That last memo Get over yourself, fagtard. ------------------------------------ 0 comments |
OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store 
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans |