UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
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MOTTO

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MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, August 25, 2004
 
So Much to Talk About, so Little Attention Span. I feel like my head is full of queenless bees. If I could get them all to work together on something, I could make sweet honey for you, but without an organizing principle or a common goal, they're just buzzy little fucks, which although pretty and stingy individually, you wouldn't want to spread them on your toast. Buzz buzz.
     My vacation was great, even though it was very short and 1/3 of it was spent in the car. Ritalin is really good for long drives, because you can just cruise without distractions like hunger, fatigue, or the desire to have blood in all of your limbs. Also, I feel like it helps me get to the coveted autopilot-ish driving "zone" faster than Chemically Unassisted Driving (CUD). During my six-hour driving leg from Perry to Kennebunk, ME, I reflected on how complex the act of driving is and how many things one has to keep track of and how amazing it is that one can even enter a "zone" wherein one does not need to pay attention in any conscious way and in fact one can trundle down lengthy digressive reverie-paths in one's head and still somehow manage not to get into high-speed crunching death situations. (I can be fairly productive in that state, too; during a 2001 road trip I wrote a speech in my head for Al Gore which, if he had delivered it to the American public in the two weeks prior to the election, he would have been in the White House now, regardless of the vote tampering trickery perpetrated by the state of FL. It was a genius speech, but of course when I tried to write it down, about 80% of it disappeared from my head, the memoryspace immediately filled with the lyrics to the theme song to The Jeffersons, or the discography of Queen, or the names and specialties of the nine muses or WHATEVER.) Anyway, don't you agree that the fact that one can unconsciously operate a car is pretty miraculous? It's pretty amazing that I get to work every day, which I don't take a car but still I'm doing unconsciously. And how many mornings have you woken up at home, hung over like the devil is raping your eyesockets, with no concept of how you got back last night?. Miracles of motion. Buzz.
     I have so many things to tell you, but the rest of today's hive space is almost completely occupied by thoughts of Isaac, who holds the current title of awesomest person in the world. I've mentioned him before, calling him my surrogate cousin; he's my friend Zorgot's 19-yr-old half-brother. Two weeks ago, after I told him I'd be driving through his hometown of Kennebunk in a few weeks, he told me to email him a picture of myself and the name of my band, or a slogan of some kind for my musical pursuits. It was all very hush and unclear, his purpose. Voodoo? Tattoos?
     The photo part was easy enough, but the band name presented a slight problem. For years I've been recording (mentally, at least -- I haven't actually released anything officially) under the name Land of Nod, which if you click that link you'll see there's been a band of that name for a number of years. That really sucks, because I've liked the name for a long time. So I considered alternatives like Land of Nod UK or maybe Land of Nod 3000, but then J.Ro told me to quit fucking around. After much deliberation, I decided that I might like to record under the alter ego John Barleycorn. I like its numerous associations and connotations, and I like that it has the same initials as my real name (in a similar vein, I also considered using the band name John Brown's Body, but there's already a shitty (I assume) reggae band of that name). I wasn't 100% decided yet, but Isaac needed an answer, he said, to prepare a "surprise" for me.
     When I got to Kennebunk on Thursday night, I was taken to Isaac's job, which it turns out he works at a screenprinting shop. Well, here's one picture of the eventual surprise. Holy fuck. The design is based on a New Kids on the Block shirt from the mid eighties. Using extra clothes left over from completed jobs, Isaac printed at least 200 shirts, tank tops, and even a couple sweatshirts. No two shirts are the same color fabric, and I think he tried at least 12 different ink combinations, which if you know silkscreening you know takes a long time. I do believe that this is the awesomest thing anyone's ever done for me. Can you fucking believe this? What the fuck? Dear world: I love Isaac.
     I will have more stories for you tomorrow, and soon, shirts will be on sale in the store. Get psyched!

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans