Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  If you grew up without zits, you were blessed, and I say "fuck you" to you with my arm outstretched and my middle finger extended as if you were driving an H2 down my sleepy street. Some people don't pop their zits, and their restraint freaks me out -- not to mention the fact that every cell of my being wants to do it for them, and I quake like a junkie on line at the methadone clinic if I see a juicy, unpopped whitehead. Oh god! I know it is revolting, disgusting, but how can you ignore that ripe, quivering package, begging for release? Other people's blackheads I approach with a more philosophical eye. Like Dude, hey, I know you see that thing, and I can help. Would you care to step over here, into the light but away from the prying eyes of the other people? Allow me. Sit still. Hush. Stop fidgeting already! Just one second! Ok, this may sting for a sec. 1, 2, 3, oh shush! Don't be a baby!
     Has science yet reached the conclusion that some people are just doomed to be zitty and others spotless? I love how if they have, the zit cream industry has done everything possible to hide, obfuscate, or contradict that fact. I personally don't believe that washing my face makes any difference at all. Ditto my hair. Ditto my clothes. Ditto everything! Soap just makes my hands dry, and though I still want my food preparers and surgeons to scrub up, I'm not gonna be so picky about everyone else. Just chill out. If you can live in your own funk, go on with your bad self. [insert New York cab driver joke here] Except don't smell like poo -- I'm sensitive to poo smell.
     What conclusions can you draw about people based on whether or not they pop their zits? What personality types are indicated? Because now that I think about it, I hate hippies. This is back to not washing, I'm kinda abandoning the zits deal, because I remember my strong distaste for the unwashed. I hate washing, but I certainly don't wear perfume to cover up my stink if I've managed to brew some up. Stink, that is. I hate hippies so much, and I bet there are still some out there! I didn't really see any in San Francisco on the last visit, but I bet I was gently steered away from their hippie haunts by my hosts, who know the score. Hippies and me is like Sodium and water! Kapowza! Fizz pop! I'm sure you recall from chemistry class that this is a very volatile combination. You have to store your chunks of unadulterated Sodium in kerosene to keep them from 'sploding. Which, come to think of it, would be a dandy solution for the hippies. Store them in kerosene for a while. It's up to you whether you cover their heads.
posted by Universal Donor 3:49 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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