Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Well, the canal is complete, joining the Pacific of my jawbone to the Carib of the world. My face is numb to the nosetip, and for all the panic and worry, the procedure didn't hurt at all. There were a host of entirely new sensations involved, which is a dubious treat, like did I really need to know what it would feel like if you tossed my skull linto a rock tumbler? One of the drills seemed to have been borrowed from the Chunnel crew for all its sensitivity. It went: ahhhhHHHHH- g'jugjug jugJUGJUG- GAAGGLE-ZHUM- ZHUMZHUM-BAGGLE- FRRM-GATT- GATT-GAATTT! But despite the disconcerting vibes, no pain.
     Afterwards, he gave me scripts for antibiotics (novocain pronunciation: "anabonix") and Vicodin, because, he said: "once the novocain wears off, you may feel like you've been punched in the face." I'm thinking, did he punch me in the face while I was under the gas? Damn that's fucked up. Except I didn't get the gas ($80/30min? Fuck you too!) so that seems unlikely. But it affords me the chance at another new sensation, because I've never been punched in the face.
     Have you been punched in the face? What's it like? How long does the pain last? Why'd you get the facefist, and did you deserve it? As you know, I'm a talky sumbitch, and I can remember at least three instances where I talked my way out of a situations that might have ended with physical violence to my pretty face. Each time it was people like Nicky Katt's aggro stoner Clint in Dazed & Confused, who just seemed bored without something to growl at. Why are boys so stoopit? Couple weeks ago I was playing three-player pinball with this hipster couple at Enid's, and I dunno, maybe I was flirty, but I think I was just good at pinball, and the guy grew more hostile as the game progressed, making snide comments and then like, almost body-checking me as he surrended the table to me after a drained ball. I'm not small, which means that this guy was potentially unbalanced. You want a piece of the UD? I'm solid as your dad's cock on Levitra. But I'm also a peaceful man, so I walked away from the winking eye of my replay. Fisticuffs are bad for your flipper fingers.
posted by Universal Donor 2:10 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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