UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, November 17, 2004
 
My alarm didn't go off this morning. This is usually a lame excuse for being late to work, but today if I had been late (I wasn't) my excuse might have been better just for being spooky. I use a clock radio, and I wake up to WBAI, a local listener-sponsored station that carries Democracy Now! at 9am. Today, however, I looked at my clock at 9am and no sound was coming out. My radio station was off the air. Perfect early morning paranoia fodder for someone who tends to believe political conspiracy theories until disproved, and anyway the concept of radio stations not working gives me the willies because when I was a terrified teen in the age of The Day After, my primary way of determining that nuclear missiles were not speeding towards me was to turn on the radio: music meant I was safe, but the Emergency Broadcast System tone or dead air would have caused instant pants-shitting panic.
     Luckily this morning I wasn't wearing pants.
     Ha ha! Nor did I panic. I saved my panic 'til later, when I saw this picture of me from 1993 on the internet. Okay, it's not me, but it's a pretty good indication of what I looked like, pre-hottness. I used to get looks in dark restaurants when I had the long hair, people pointing and whispering, until they figured out that I didn't have the right tattoos to be the Kiedis, and also that I wasn't a freaking midget.
     News Summary. Introducing a new feature today, in which I will give you a rapid-fire lightning-round type overview of my opinion of various recent events in the news. Here goes. Ashlee Simpson can lip-synch all she wants, ain't no shame, girl, do your thang -- so what if you can't sang? Dang! Alberto Gonzales is an evil man. He is all smug about how clever he was in justifying torture. Torture! "Ladies and Gents, here's the guy that found a legal way for us to electrocute the testicles of hairy brown people that we have decided to hold indefinitely (the people, not the testicles) without charging them or allowing them legal counsel, woo!" If they put his name up for the high court when Rehnquist kicks I'm seriously gonna blog my ass off about it. That'll show them. Condi Rice has an oil tanker named after her at Chevron, which makes her a particularly ooky choice for State, but can we talk about her hair for a second? Looks like a snap-on Lego-style hair helmet. Fallujah doesn't have the same ring to it as Kandahar. Remember Kandahar? That was fun.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans