Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

 
TO: Disposable Tupperware containers of various size
RE: Validity
Thanks for holding Thanksgiving leftovers, and for doing it well enough that the mince pie tastes as good as it ever did. You are "disposable," but you are so great that I would love to put leftovers in you and let my friends bring home some of my cooking. Unfortch, I don't cook. Big guy: I am tempted to use you as a soup bowl since my last non-disposable soup bowl broke. But you're Tupperware, and probably not valid to use as dishes. "Crockery" is a funny word. Small guy: you are so small and cute, but I don't foresee myself needing to en-Tupper a tablespoon of Crisco or whatever. My point: the honeymoon is over. You're going to dish purgatory: on top of the cabinets!

TO: Claudia
RE: Your style
May I cop it for a while? Yeah? Seeing as you have Cholera or the Buboes or Dropsy or whatever? I'm gonna borrow the "memo" format again. Don't ask why.

TO: Claudia
RE: Why?
Because, in terms of my creativity, I am a cold dry husk of a man. Poke me with a twig and the fibrous strands that keep me upright will snap, and I will collapse into a loose pile of dusty husk fibers. My gauge is tickling the E.

TO: New roommate who moved in November 1
RE: Your blog nickname
Howsabout "Flaketard"? Or maybe "Fly-by-night"? Umm... "Letdowny VonLeavenstein"? I understand that seven-month cat-sitting gigs that allow you to live rent-free on the Lower East Side don't come along every day. But we had an agreement! Six months verbal, and you signed another agreement for three months! Okay, fine, whatever. I understand that you couldn't pass it up. But you didn't have to leave in the middle of the day without saying goodbye or even LEAVING A LITTLE NOTE. Now I have to go through the whole Craigslist process again, and my readers are getting really bored reading about roommate searches. At least apologize to them.
     New Third Roommate Without Nickname (NTR) and I liked you. That's the saddest part of all. We should have had a farewell pie together.

TO: You, the reader
RE: "Merch"
Bowing to public pressure from my creditors, I have been forced to seek supplementary revenue streams to buttress my Salary. For starters, I'm tutoring these two guys on how to use Reason, the unbelievably awesome synth- sampler-beats-sequencing-mixing program I use to make all my music. I'm blackmailing my dermatologist, because during my last visit I noticed that his pupils were huge and he was grinding his teeth and he had a glow-stick in his pocket -- I figured the AMA would from upon a tweaked-out extasy-gobbling raver dermatologist. So that's good money there. And I'm looking into what would end up being the most profitable endeavor of all, but it's... well, let's just say the even considering it merits an entire post of its own: Trivia Emcee for the Uptown Bar/Bat Mitzvah Circuit.
     But in the meantime, I'm trying to create merchandise for the Universal Donor Store at Cafe Press. Kinda ghetto, I know, but maybe I'll be able to afford a new lightbulb for my hovel if I only sell enough Universal Donor Teakettle Cozies or Fear Not lip balm!

TO: You, the reader
RE: But Seriously.
If you can think of any products you'd like to see in the CafePress store, leave a comment about it or send me an email. Are there any quotes of mine that deserve the comparative immortalization of a tank top or lapel button? Any humorous concepts or images that I could draw pictures of and slap on a coaster? Help me out so I can help you out.

TO: Blogger
RE: You are dumb
It's useful to have a spellchecker built right in to the interface, and it spares the world of millions of typos a day -- thanks for that. But it always asks me if I want to correct the word "blog" by changing it to "blob." That means you are dumb.
posted by Universal Donor 9:49 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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