Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  Who buys frozen shrimp at the dollar store? The Wall Street Journal just told me that dollar stores are expanding their inventories to include things other than the shit that sat on Rite-Aid's shelves too long. But frozen shrimp? How double-digit do you have to be to think it's okay to buy seafood at the dollar store? Egad. Here are some other things I wouldn't buy from the dollar store: birth control pills; insulin; mayonnaise; pufferfish sushi. I've got like five dollar stores in spitting distance from my house, which maybe is a sign that your hood isn't so great, but I prefer to think of my neighborhood as "bargain-conscious" or "wealth-avoidant."
     Girls, I've said it before, and I warned you in the Fear Not Guide to Life, but certain things bear repeating: DO NOT carry your cell phone in your back pocket because it will fall in the toilet when you slip down your hip huggers for a pee. The likelihood of this happening increases in direct proportion with your blood alcohol level, and most phone-dunkings happen in bars. But it can happen in your home, too. How sad is that? My old darling roommate and co-blogger Pussy Willow was often drunk and could not live without her phone, like many good-time girls you know. But she was also utterly petrified when confronted with germs. She would visibly flinch if you even suggested that she clean the bathroom, because the common household bathroom, as we all know, is more crawlingly biohazardous that the outflow pipe of a slaughterhouse in July. So I imagine this very David Foster Wallace moment where PW (for example, but it could be anybody) becomes paralyzed, trapped between two all-encompassing psychoses at once, the moment the phone falls in the toilet -- which may only have urine in it -- and she's standing utterly still, unable to retrieve the (now probably useless) phone but unable to imagine life without it, even for a minute. Somebody would have to come in and rescue her with a finger-snap in the face.
     Also, because I never get any hate mail, I thought I'd say something that is bound to piss somebody off. Does anybody else think it's weird to refer to people who died in the world trade towers on na-na-la-la as "Heroes"? I'm not talking about firemen who rushed into save lives in spite of obvious, pants-shitting danger. That's heroic enough. I mean the use of the word Hero to mean people who died. What could be less heroic than dying? Heroic is staying alive while doing deadly shit. In fact, I'm pretty sure heroism requires conscious action on the part of the hero, yeah? A passive death in tragic circumstances does not a hero make. THIS IS BASIC, DICTIONARY LEVEL STUFF. YOU CANNOT GET MAD AT ME FOR SAYING THIS. Although I haven't actually checked the dictionary. I just feel that I'm right on this, because I have a very sensitive ear when it comes to language. A VERY SENSITIVE EAR.
posted by Universal Donor 3:34 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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