Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  People, I'm doing great. It's Monday now, and last night was my first night of truly pain-free sleep, so let me go back a bit and bring you up to date on all that happened to me.
Weds 8pm: Dinner at my dad's, where I stayed because it was closer to the Hospital, and Dad offered to go with me in the morning, which is sweet and very helpful, because I'm not sure if all my body parts work at 6:30am. Can't remember the last time I got up so early. I've seen a lot of 6ams from the other side, and that's always weird enough. We eat a small rotisserie chicken and my little sister avoids doing her homework, which means she gets yelled at. She hates getting yelled at, but I guess she hates homework more.
Thurs 6:30am: God fucking damn it is early and cold. No breakfast and we're out the door and onto the subway. Three long blocks to the Hospital and holy fucksucking balls it is cold and gray and this is why Thomas Edison invented beds: so I could BE IN THEM at 7am. Okay. At least the Hospital is warm. I fill out forms.
Thurs 8:00am: I am outfitted in my hospital uniform of gowns and styrofoam slippers. I look hot.
Thurs 8:30am: Twenty different doctors come by to ask my what my birthday is; apparently there's a large party in the works. They ask more questions. When was your last asthma attack ("about a month ago maybe, but it wasn't really an attack, really it was nothing."), do you have any allergies to medications, is there a family history of goiter, do you play golf or the viola, have you eaten any prosciutto in the last 24 hours, who's your favorite Backstreet Boy, does this lab coat make my ass look fat? I must have answered at least 65% correctly, because eventually they give me an asthma inhaler an wheel me into the room with the big light on the ceiling.
Thurs 9:15am: I lay on the operating table as the surgeon shaves my Personal Space and somebody slips a warm, undulating sleevey thing onto my left calf, and the anesthesiologist puts a mask on, saying "boo!" No, just kidding. She puts a gas mask on me, saying "this is just pure oxygen." That's right, she said "just" pure oxygen, as if oxygen is no big deal. Well, I think oxygen's earned a little more respect than that, don't you, lady? Hmm. Pure oxygen. I think of the scene on the plane in Fight Club where Tyler explains that they give you oxygen during a plane crash because it makes you high and docile. They put lots of little sticky pads on my torso. I hear a machine start beeping rhythmically and I know they've got my heartbeat now. Huh. I appear to be pretty calm, judging by the beeps. Hey the celiing looks really cool, all swimmy and blue and... like wow, it's so pretty, it's the prettiest ceiling I've ever seen. I try to tell somebody about it, but then it's
Thurs 11:00am: and I'm somewhere else now. Huh. I experienced no loss of time whatsoever. But WOW THAT'S OUCH FUCK! Some helpful man understands my gurgling and gives me some fentanyl. Thank you sir. Ten minutes later I'm still ouchy so he gives me some morphine. Thanks again, new best friend! Then the anesthesiologist from before comes over and bitches him out about it, saying he should have given me Dilaudid instead. I say "Hydromorphone, right? So what's the difference?" She looks at me like I have just disturbed Tut's tomb. "Why do you know that?" She asks. "I just do," I say. "Most people don't know that," she says, wary as a cat looking at the new baby. I swear, doctors really hate it when you look stuff up, especially if it has to do with your health. It's called the internet, Doctor Fuckwad! It's called reading! You are not the only person who can do it! GIVE ME MORE PAINKILLERS.
Thurs 2pm: Mom picks me up. Hurts to walk.
Thurs later: Nap time. Hurts to lie down.
Fri, Sat, Sun: blah blah blah getting better all the time. I make pancakes for breakfast.
posted by Universal Donor 1:55 PM 3 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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