Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I work in midtown, which is ground zero for parades, and today is the most Irish of all parades, the St. Patrick's Day parade. I had to fight my way through kilted and pipe-weildling throngs of marchers and masses, ten-deep, of deluded fat onlookers with "kiss me, I'm Irish!" hats/pins/sashes on. Here are my alternate shirt ideas:
• Kiss me, I'm drinking beer at 10am on a Thursday!
• Kiss me, your local firehouse is empty!
• Kiss me, kilts and bagpipes are Scottish, but who knows the difference?
• Kiss me, I have terrible acne scars from childhood!
• Kiss me, I sunburn easily!
• Kiss me before I stink of piss and vomit! Oh wait, I always stink of piss and vomit -- I'm Irish!
     Whatever. I'm walking with a cane and the cop won't let me cross 5th avenue to get to my office. "yuse gotta go down to fortyseckint, fwah-two, to crew-oss." I look at him, look down at my cane, and look back up at him, hoping he'll make the giant mental leap implied by my not-so-subtle glancings. But he's just really pissed that he's been assigned to manage pedestrian traffic while all of his buddies get to booze it up, tell racist jokes, and wear their fancy version of their uniforms, flashing their bare legs at each other and trying to keep gay cops, firefighters, and Irishmen from marching alongside them because everyone knows the gay AIDS is catching. Goddamn, aren't I too old to hate cops? Shouldn't I feel comforted by their presence? Well I ain't.
     Sometimes I like to pretend, during an argument, that I have a very close relative in the armed forces, so that I Can say things like "I support our troops and I want my brother to come home on his feet instead of in a box without any feet." I do this because one time I was talking to someone for a work thing, and I was like "what do you think of the war" and she was like "well I have family in the military, so I support the war." Does that follow? I know that there are some with the mindset that no matter how you feel about the idea of a war before it's declared, one must support it after it is for the sake of I'm not sure what. But wouldn't having a family member in the military make one awfully critical of any proposed conflict? Well, I don't actually ever really pretend that I've got a fighting sibling, because I'd crumble under cross-examination. I'd have to make up a unit, or a specialty or something. Or, like, a branch of the Armed Forces. Hmm. I could always just answer any queries with a hissed and critical "hey-- loose lips sink ships, bitch! I ain't saying a word, Ilse! Peddle your papers elsewhere!"
     Asterix the Gaul is not very good in hindsight. Tintin, however, holds up, despite the "comic" relief of those two cops and the stupid dog that goes "wwoooooaaaaaooooohhhww," a sound no dog in history has ever made. Dudes, there is something wrong with m' fingers, and every other word I write has a typo in it. I swear, it's gotten unbelievably bad. So no more typing for today. [e.g., here's what I just wrote, un-proofed: "and every pther word I wrtie has a typo in it. I sware, it's gotten unbelievebaly bad."]
posted by Universal Donor 4:25 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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