UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:



PAGES UD MADE:

My Books Page

My Reviews Page

My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

My Store



UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

My MySpace music page

My Flickr page

My del.icio.us page

My Last.fm page

My Amazon Wishlist




HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



Look the fuck out! It's claude le monde!



WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Thursday, April 21, 2005
 
Dear Morrissey,
You probably already know this, Stephen (can I call you Stephen?) but your new album is just fucking unbelievable. I can't believe how good it is. I literally don't believe it. LITERALLY. What's that? Your name is Steven with a "v"? Oh okay. So Steven, your new album is so fucking good that it makes me want to put out the eyes of every stupid rockboy in every So-Cal post-punk band, because they don't even deserve to have eyes on the same planet as you. I want to hack their legs off below the knee, so that they could never again do that thing where a song gets quiet, and just before they rip back into the loud part of the song, the bassist and the guitarists all jump in the air at the same time and stomp on the stage WHAM at the exact same time that the song gets loud. They deserve far worse than that for breathing your air. What? Excuse me? Oh. Sorry about that... um... Mr. Morrissey.
          Love,
          UD

Dear people who overuse or incorrectly use the word "literally",
Stop it.
          Love,
          UD

Dear Amazon,
I'm mad at you for having a weird policy when it comes to used items. I ordered three different books on the same day from three different people. These three people all mailed out the items the following day. Book 1 arrived two days later -- because it was sent first class, you know, regular mail. But the other two senders are cheapass matherfackers, and they used "media mail," you know: book rate. They are fucksucking asstarded babyrapers. I hate them. Book #2 arrived today, fully nine days after I placed my order. And where is book #3? I'm going to go back in time and sterilize the mothers of people who are so cheap that they use media mail. That way they will never be born, see? You like that? I learned that trick from the Terminator, this robot from the future. Except his sterilization technique was a little more, uh, holistic.
          Love,
          UD

Dear Music Lovers,
Here's a track listing for a really good hip-hop mix I made.
          Love,
          UD

Dear Bram Stoker,
The second half of your book Dracula is very slow, boring and repetitive. I read like five other books while avoiding finishing Dracula. I think that the epistolary form of the novel ends up hurting the narrative flow in the end. But it gave me an idea for a gimmicky blog post, so you're forgiven. Oh, and is "Bram" short for Abraham, or is it a name in its own right? Either way, I think it sounds funny if you say it a lot. Bram Bram Bram Bram Bram! Hee!
          Love,
          UD

Dear Some High School Girls' Diary,
Two nights ago I had a dream that I didn't know how to fall asleep, and I must have magical powers or something you guys, because -- it totally came true! OMG! I tossed and turned like a fucking rotisserie chicken all night, but my dream would not allow me to sleep for more than ten minutes in a row. Then I woke up and realized I had to spew, because apparently I got some food poisoning from an under-reheated slice of pizza. WTF, you guys? OMG! So I was totally spewing this awful ropy flow of yellow bile at 3am and I thought to myself "wow, this is the worst taste EVER! Yellow bile is totally, like, nature's ipecac, because all I want to do right now is spew some more, even though my stomach is totally empty and I'm just dry heaving now, I STILL want to puke more!" Actually, I just discovered that ipecac is nature's ipecac derived as it is from the Ipecacuanha plant. I further discovered my word of the day: emetophiliacs are people who find vomit sexually arousing(!).
          Love,
          UD

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Buy it already. ($4)


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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans