Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

- Archives - 04/01/2002 - 05/01/2002 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002 06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002 07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002 08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  From the Wikipedia:

The Pope's death is officially determined by the Cardinal Chamberlain by gently tapping the late Pope's head thrice with a silver hammer and calling his birth name three times.... The Cardinal Chamberlain then retrieves the Fisherman's Ring. Usually the ring is on the Pope's right hand. But with Paul VI, he had stopped wearing the ring during the last years of his reign, and left it in his desk.

That shit is hi-larious. I'm sorry if any of you are easily-offended Catholics and you don't like the idea of your God's highest earthly representative getting his head hammered, but I'm just pasting from the encyclopedia. That shit is true. Besides. If you are easily offended or devoutly religious, how exactly did you end up reading this site?
     Friends, the weather in New York has temporarily turned Los Angelean, and goddamn if it isn't beautiful. I took a stroll down to the comic book store to buy some comics and to bear witness a facet of humanity that I hate: the disgruntled and snobby retail clerk. Herewith a playlet.


Dramatis Personae:
Universal Donor, a customer and playwright;
Rico, bike messenger who appears to be on speed, also a would-be customer;
Ken, a disgruntled and snobby retail clerk.

A comic store in midtown Manhattan. Noon. Early April. UD walks up to the register with some comics. KEN is behind the register, which is raised on a two-foot high dais, evidently making KEN feel superior to just about everybody, even though he has an awful comic-book-store-guy paunch and a patchy goatee. He is wearing a T-shirt over a long-sleeve shirt. KEN is manifestly inferior to most mammals. The store's stereo system is playing The Cardigans' cover of Black Sabbath's Iron Man.

UD: Hi there. You're holding something for me? Under the name "Donor"?
KEN: (Looks behind the counter listlessly) Yeah. Um. What exactly is it?
UD: (self-consciously) Uh.... Alan Moore's Top Ten.
KEN: Okay, yeah. Here it is.
UD: (holding up Igort's 5 is the Perfect Number) Do you know anything about this?
KEN: (Snobbily) I haven't read it.
UD: Oh. Well, I'll take it anyway.


RICO: Hey yo mang yestiday I cam in I talked to this guy, I dunno his name, he was dark skin, you know a black guy, he said he knew a guy who had a hawk, you know a scupchah, and he said to come back today and talk to him about it. So um, he here?
KEN: I'm sorry. While you were talking, you kept turning your head away from me? I didn't hear most of what you said.
UD: He's looking for a hawk sculpture.
KEN: A hawk sculpture.
RICO: Yeah, a hawk scupchah. I know you don't sell it, mang, but he said he knew sombuddy.
KEN: A Hulk sculpture? Like The Incredible Hulk?
RICO: Yeah mang, the Hawk.
KEN: Oh. Well that's a different story. Okay. So... who were you talking to?
RICO: (getting visibly agitated) I don't know his name. I fooget. He was workeen yestiday.
KEN: (speaking even more slowly so as to infuriate RICO) Well, we all wear name tags. (He points to his own, which reads "Ken")
RICO: yeah but. (RICO wants to say again that the man who he had spoken to the day before was black, but notices a black guy right behind him in line and freezes up)
KEN: Sorry.
RICO: Um!
KEN: I guess try again later.

KEN: (to UD) Sign here.
WHITE-HAIRED MALE CUSTOMER: What's this music?
PINK-HAIRED FEMALE EMPLOYEE: The Cardigans.
UD: The Cardigans!

Well it's too beautiful a day to spend it writing cynical prose. I think I'll stare wistfully out the window instead. Tonight I'm going to see some comedy with The Confusing Wizard in honor of our favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg, requiescat in pace.
posted by Universal Donor 1:21 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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