Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  So I'm listening to this great song called "Mushaboom" by Feist (who before yesterday I'd never even heard of but now thanks to a mix from PMD I have) and I'm trying to figure out who they sound like (If you are capable of doing so, I recommend downloading the song right now; this post will make more sense if you do [Actually that's not true -- this post falls apart very soon and nothing will make it make sense. -Ed.].). I suggest aloud to some gather colleagues that there were hints of Joni Mitchell, but also maybe Billie Holliday. I further state that the closest analogue still evades me. But my coworker says that he hears hints of Madonna and Jewel. I respond that that is crazy, that there is no Madonna sound at all and that Jewel is a hack; that the song was too good to have Jewel's name mentioned within five minutes of listening to the song. My coworker staggers backward like a vampire cringing from a cross dipped in holy garlic water. Unfortunately, he wasn't joking.
     This suggests to me an unsettling possibility: that there are actually people out there who like Jewel. My logic in making this inference is that if one person likes Jewel (barf barf barf) there must be at least some other people who feel similarly. And that mathematically speaking, if one of my eight coworkers liked Jewel, then fully 1/8 of the US population likes Jewel!! Oh! Ma! Fucking! Ggaaahh!
     My digits are bleeding this week. I went for my first ever manicure/pedicure on Tuesday, but I almost didn't go because on the Thursday previous I had sliced open my big toe with a razor blade while attempting to tame a rogue callus. Shut up, I know it's gross, but don't be a girl about it. Yes, I know I'm stupid. I know I shouldn't hack at my feet with razors. But you know how it is: big clump of dead skin staring at you, mocking you, making your shoes feel snug in the tootsies, and you KNOW IT'S DEAD and what business has dead skin got being on my foot? so you use the pumice stone after a long shower, but it doesn't really do the job, and then you remember that other foot tool someone gave you, that's got like sandpaper on one side and a like mini-cheese grater on the other, and you have at your foot for a goodly while with that too, but even with softened post-shower skin you don't really make the kind of dent you wanted to, and besides, who wants to cheese-grate their skin? so you open the tool box and grab a paint-scraper blade and slice and wow that was actually a blister, and that's oozing quite a bit, and I guess I'd better cut away some of that dead skin over that WOWOW OOUUUWUCH! Whoops. That's too deep. Ooh that's a lot of blood. Look at that, how it pools a little in the nail before it spills onto the floor? Hmm. Seems opaque, and a little... misty, this blood. La la la. Bleeding foot.
     SO ANYWAY my point is that I wasn't sure if I'd healed enough to have some avid Korean lady whaling away at my footflesh with her tools. But my fears appeared unfounded, and the pedicure was AWESOME. Just amazing. I went for the ridiculously priced "spa pedicure" which included a lot of exfoliation, a king's ransom of variously colored goo in unreassuringly unlabeled jars, a lot of soaking in the foot jacuzzi, and even a period where they put highly concentrated peppermint oil on my feet and wrapped them with Saran Wrap, which process burned like fuck.
     The manicure was kinda ho hum, but in related news I almost sliced the tip of my left middle finger off two hours ago. It sucks really hard to correct the typos created by a bandage-swathed digit that is involved in typing every single word in the fucktarded English language. Oh well. I'm sure you're all asking yourselves exactly how cutting my finger today had any relation to my writing a post yesterday, or to my not doing so. Well I'd say it was a pre-event sympathetic pain. I've got superficial wound ESP, paper-cut precognition. But now, post-injury, I'm going to stop, because it hurts like a muthahfeetch, you sonnamabeetch.
posted by Universal Donor 5:56 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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