Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

 
PHONE LADY: Hello, thank you for calling S_____, how may I help you?
UD: Hi there! My name's Universal Donor. What's your name?
PHONE LADY: (freezes up) Uhhh. What is this regarding?
UD: Huh? The [blah blah] software; I'm about to purchase some from your online store. I'm calling from a company New York, and I asked you name so I could say "Well hello, Mary, how's the weather in California?"
PHONE LADY: It's just fine. Let me transfer you to tech support.
UD: Sigh.

     Sometimes people really wear me out. Californians are supposed to be friendly to a fault, so what's up with the lady who thinks I'm gonna press the "pistol whip" button on my phone if she tells me her name? My Californians are better than that, and I'm hella looking forward to visiting their gnarly asses. Countdown T minus one week and one day.
     I had a birthday party last weekend, and it turned out pretty good. It was a shared party with J.Ro and Hadaly, which took some of the pressure off of me to provide a giant crowd of hilarious revelers. In the past, I've had no problem doing so, but a combination of factors has led to my demise as a social host. I dunno. A lot of people who RSVP'd in the positive didn't show up, which I guess was mostly attributable to the a) the rain and b) the general flakiness of our friends. A lot of people who weren't explicitly invited but should have known to come anyway didn't come anyway, which is either attributable to a) shyness, b) hypersensitivity and hurt feelings (misplaced in this case), or maybe c) not being fucking magical mind readers.
     I am on record as a hater of E-Vite; I despise everythig about it, but I was overruled by my cohosts on this occasion. I hate responding to E-Vites because not only do I have to come up with a pithy yet uproarious one-liner response, but I have to read everyone else's attempts to do the same. Glorp! YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. STOP TRYING (Note: this diatribe does not apply to anybody who responded wittily to my E-Vite -- you guys are funny). I hate the idea that people are checking the list of who's going to a party to decide whether they'll go. You should decide whether or not to go based on the classic things: how much you like the hosts; whether you can smoke in their house or if they'll make you loiter on the sidewalk like a common thug; whether they have hot single friends; whether you have to bring a gift; and how long your late night drunken train ride will be.
     Today is my half-sister's "graduation" from 6th grade. I think it's pretty comical, but at least her school has a separate building for 7-12. So I'm off to see a bunch of eleven-year-olds fling miniature mortarboards into the auditorium air. I'll try to keep a straight face.
posted by Universal Donor 4:13 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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