Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I am going fucking insane. I can feel my brain coming apart like a Droste chocolate orange. If you're curious just how BORING a process this really is, continue reading. All day I've been attempting to pay the bills I've been ignoring for more than a month, but I seem to be unable to do it. Not just apathetic or uninterested, but like Superman and Kryptonite repelled, weakened, sickened by the prospect of performing this essential, if unexciting grown-up task. Granted, there are a host of unusual complexities to this billing cycle, mostly because I moved and have yet to get some of the old bills out of my name. But fuck. Fuck. OH MY GOD THIS IS BORING. I can hear you clicking links to different sites -- you sound like a forest full of clicky little bugs. Or is it frogs who make that noise? I'm not talking about cicadas. Cicadas whirr. I like cicadas because some of them have a 17-year life cycle, and I just finished listening to my favorite song by Ratatat, which is called "17 Years."
     My brain is coming apart but my back is coming together, its muscles contracting like a man whose fed-up wife put arsenic in his stew. My woolly beard has stopped itching, but my face is still playing host to the acne equivalent of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. The Kilo-Blemish Competition or something, where zits of many nations converge to see which group can completely conquer my face first; like its model, it is taking way too long and is a big letdown. I can't stop touching my face in horror, which in turn horrifies my dermatologist and anybody else who knows how dirty a New Yorker's hands get on a typical day just from brushing up against NY air. Oy fucking vey.
     Despite the ingestion of prodigious dosages of approved chemicals for the treatment of ADD, I can't concentrate for more than five minutes on anything that isn't shiny and moving around a lot. (Which brings me back to the bill-paying predicament, but only for a lousy one-liner. Look for it later in these parentheses. I need to sort out the bill situation so I can get money from my roommates to help pay the bills, because I can't cover them myself. See, I'm quite low on cash. Indeed, I'm... wait for it... I'm so broke I can't even pay attention!)
     Ugh. This is everyone's least favorite type of post, the self-pity post, the whining post, the nothing funny what the fuck post. (The whining post. Can you picture it? A battered four-by-four hammered into the dusty Texas ground, with iron rings hammered into it. The Whining Post. Feels like I'm tiiiieeeeddddd... to the whining post.) Great, now the word "whining" is starting to look all weird and misspelled. Well, at least I gave in to fate and mentally released myself from having to do that stuff with the bills, freeing me to write this garbage. Hooray. But don't fret. I'll be back soon with observations about the world, or, for a change of tone, maybe just a list of things that I like (here's a preview of the latter: cheap glow-in-the-dark makeup; gummi worms; X-acto knives; rubbing alcohol). This is the stupidest post EVER but fuck it, because it's done now and you can suck on it.
posted by Universal Donor 5:44 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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