Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I got two pieces of spam in my work email inbox today that I liked. The first one I liked for its subject line, which is straightforward, helpful, and somehow playful: "Buyer beware - Penis patches!" The exclamation mark is [sic], written, I suppose, by "Thelma Blackburn," the putative author of the email. Thanks, Thelma, both for your advice and your enthusiasm! Oh yeah.... WHAT THE FUCK IS A PENIS PATCH??!?!!? Heh. Well I'm not such a sucker that I'm gonna click actually read the email and find out. Maybe one of you can tell me.
     The other email I liked for an embedded image, which I've slapped up on Flickr for your enjoyment. What I love about this image is that somebody used a fairly sophisticated little graphics package to create these faceless little homunculi, just so they could show me, sort of, how to use a bizarre-looking sex... toy? aid? (It actually looks more like sex furniture, doesn't it? Like a dirty director's chair, scaled for a midget? Or a dirty ottoman. A hottoman. Heh.) Back in the old days, magician types would create golems or homunculi out of clay, twigs, berries, or belly-button lint, and animate them somehow to perform some thankless, repetitive, or unrewarding task. I like to imagine that this is not a CGI of two people, but rather a wallet-sized photograph of two animated magical monsters that the Hottoman corporation animated and forced to do it with a footrest.
     So I was cheered up by some spam today after getting hopping mad at the television in the office building's lobby. The new owners of the building have made several weird choices for the building's decor, but putting a large flatscreen TV in the lobby makes the least sense of any of their choices. Perhaps it was put there to distract tenants from the fact that they're waiting an average of a minute for an elevator to arrive. (That doesn't sound bad? It is. It's almost like eternity. It's like waiting infinity (Remember when you first learned that word in like second grade everybody started using it all the time? That was awesome.).) But if you're gonna have a TV on all day in the lobby, you should at least tune it to MTV2, or something better than 24-hour Business News Channel, aka Abbreviations on Parade, or the All Acronym Channel.
     Anyway I got nervous/mad because when a prescription drug that you take is on the television, it's never good news for the people who take it. And poor little Ambien, my personal favorite script and absolutely essential sleeping pill, is getting a lot of airtime these days. Apparently some dipwads took Ambien, went to sleep, and then got up to go for a little drive in the car-car, for real, and got in some accidents, and woke up with no memory of any of it. The reporters seem to express particular horror over the blacking-out aspect of the story, which is totally sensationalist, playing on our primal fears of loss of control, like I wonder what else these crazy sleep-drivers did before they got into their wreck? Did they lose the baby's college fund at an online poker site? Did they order the entire run of Girls Gone Wild videos? Did they put the meat plates on the dairy shelf?!?!? DID THEY WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR FUCKING DAY?
     It makes me mad, and I really hope they don't take my Ambien away, because insomnia sucks, and the classic alternative sleep aids (antihistamines or benzodiazepines) make me groggy as hell. And to be honest, I've spoken of Sleepy-Time Jer before, which is me if 1) I've taken Ambien, 2) I haven't fallen asleep yet, and 3) I start talking to other people. It's true. I don't remember most of these occasions, but STJ's interlocutors always claim that they were tremendously amused by the conversations, and that STJ never did anything to embarrass his host body. So they're trying to kill off a person (a personality? A manifestation?) to whom I've become attached over the years. He's provided entertainment to many generations of roommates, and it would be a crime to deprive the world of his antics. Right? Or do I have a totally overblown sense of Sleepy-Time Jer's worth? Roommates, friends, or bedmates who have good STJ stories are invited to share them on the comments board.
     And who knows. Maybe Lunesta does the same thing. (I'll try to expand this later.)
posted by Universal Donor 6:28 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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