Universal Donor

UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
Universal Donor We can ill afford another Klendathu feed it up! \| UD email You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION Dan Deacon: Bromst Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2010 Jeremy Broomfield Hosted by: HostRocket.Com Comments by: YACCS SITE STATS PRAISE & REVIEWS "[UD] is a genius." --Christian Oates "[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not." --Tricia Howey MOTTO egeo huic vigorum MY WRESTLING NAME Titan Gently MY PUNK NAME Razor Ection WHO LINKS TO UD? • from Technorati • from Google • from Yahoo and here's something weird: my place in Humor 3-space	Thursday, May 25, 2006 I bought some jeans. I bought some bright green underpants. I think that $20 pants and $10 shoes should make you wonder about how many hours the 12-yr-old Thai girl who made them had to work before she could afford a don't-whip-me-today voucher. Midtown at lunchtime, a clogged toilet of festering humanity, about to overflow. Okay, now, for a prize (TBA) tell me what author I'm currently reading who spawned that mercifully aborted pastiche of a paragraph. Stu is disqualified from this because he knows. `10 END FOOLISHNESS 20 BEGIN POST FOR REAL` Somebody else was watching at my house, so I watched, some of the last Clippers vs Suns NBA playoff game the other night. Several comments: I don't know much about the Clippers, except that they are named after a boat or grooming tool, they are from LA but are not the Lakers, and they have been a punchline since forever. I was therefore impressed by the fact that they were in the playoffs, until I remembered that in NBA, getting to the playoffs is the equivalent of the 200 points you allegedly get on the SAT for signing your name. From a purely literal team-name standpoint, it seemed a foregone conclusion that the "Suns" would beat the "Clippers." I like this idea, except that the Suns would therefore have to dominate everybody always. They don't, right? This reminds me of a story that doesn't belong in this bullet point. Look for it in the next paragraph. Okay, quickly: while I was at Oberlin, one of the cartoonists for the weekly student paper was David Rees, who later achieved fame with clip art and bad words (and I say that with the highest regard). He was a genius back then, too, and my favorite cartoon was about Oberlin's sports teams, which were awful (which was fine with anybody who wasn't one of the teams, because: joxx can eat hott coxx) and who also had a bad default name: the Yeomen. It was obsolete, weird, and gender-specific in a way that did not fly at Oberlin, resulting in girls teams called the Yeowomyn or the Yeoherstory or whatever. David's comic was a non-linear job where he just suggested a bunch of possible new names for the team, and without a bunch of explanatory folderol, neither. The one I remember -- and I remember it all the time -- was "the Oberlin Universe Controllers." Heh! Universe Controllers! I dunno. Tickled me. Funny because so demonstrably false, so not intimidating. Shit, I don't need to explain why it's funny. Just promise me you'll think about it for a sec. SO MY POINT IS: who can beat the Suns in a stand-up literal team-name fight? The Universe Controllers, that's who. Can you think of anybody in the NBA whose name could possibly even challenge the Suns? I can think of only two possibilities, but now I like this idea enough to waste a few hours on a graphic. So.... So stay tuned for a "humorous" graphic. I'm hoping it will be so funny that it will get forwarded and linked and then start an internet trend of unfunny imitations. But remember, bitches: you saw it here first. Or back when fake tournaments were a weird internet fad in like 1999. Or in a New Yorker cartoon a couple months back. Shut up. THAT'S HOTT. Seacrest out! (...and honey, if what I saw last night is true, apparently so is Clay Aiken OH SNAP OH NO YOU DI'I OH MAH GAH OH YES I DI'.) posted by Universal Donor 4:36 PM 0 comments HOME	OTHER REVIEWS: Scrabble NEW! LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" - misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT. - tattoos in the Courier font - any use of Comic Sans