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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  I'm leaving for Maine on Thursday night and I'll be gone for over a week. I'll be going to Zorgot's wedding, my second of the season. Weddings often make me tired, but this one will be awesome. Heh. What doesn't make me tired? I get tired taking a shower. All that scrubbing wears me the fuck out.
     Parties wear me out too. Here's something that's messing with my head: part of this wedding situation involves a bachelor party. Buh-buh-bachelor Party. I want to vomit just typing the words. I've never been to an actual bachelor party, and the one that I'm attending this weekend will not resemble a typical BP in any way, except in the even ratio of X to Y chromosomes among the attendees and the consumption of inadvisable amounts of alcohol. My friends couldn't throw a real BP if they tried, which is of course why I love them. Because without having ever been to a real BP, I know that I hate everything about them. Just like I know that I don't want to camp out in a rainforest. Or eat scrapple. Or go to Las Vegas. Or get a sloppy drunken lapdance from a goddamn stripper. Fuck!
     I've avoided bachelor parties thus far for a number of reasons: 1) most of my friends are girls, so when I go to their weddings, I don't get invited out by their grooms; 2) my friends haven't gotten all that married yet; 3) as I said, the kind of people I hang out with wouldn't have a bachelor party anyhoo. Does this mean that I think you're lame if you've attended, enjoyed, or thrown a bachelor party? Yep. I sure do. I hate the entire concept. I hate the idea that someone who is about to get married agrees with the notion that the eve of his wedding is his "last night of freedom" -- why the fuck are you getting married, Chachi? Tax Purposes? Sheesh.
     I tend to avoid situations where there are no women present, because boys can be fucking disgusting when there are no chicks around. Not me, of course -- I'm exactly the same no matter what. I enjoyed The 40-Year-Old Virgin but found many of the characters repulsive and I was glad that they resembled nobody I knew. If anyone ever pointed at a girl and asked me if I intended to "hit that shit" I think I would blush, mumble something noncommittal, and vow silent vengeance. That's right. Silent vengeance, muhfucker!
     All right. I could go on about that but I actually find it really boring to explain why bachelor parties are lame. If you have to ask, you'll never know.
     
Um. Did you know I was really good at pinball? It's true. My two favorite tables are the Indiana Jones trilogy table and The Creature from the Black Lagoon table. I was giddily ecstatic to see the latter machine in Lars von Trier's living room while watching The Five Obstructions. All geeked out.
posted by Universal Donor 12:25 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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