UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


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© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Friday, July 14, 2006
 
I've been trying to do one of my travelogue emails about my trip to Maine and Massachussets and all but I have to tell you about something first. I saw a pill-dispensing robot at the CVS near my doctor's office and it was FUCKING HOTT. I hate CVS, but there it was, looking capable, which I know is a lie but I was in a hurry to get back to work. So I walked in, asked them if they a) had my drug in stock and b) could fill it sometime this century. Then I totally rolled my eyes. At the end of the roll, my eyes fell on a Willy Wonka-looking machine that once a minute disgorged a pill bottle. I got all giddy. There was a window in the side of the thing with a bunch of drawer-like hoppers. I was like "ooh ooh ooh" at the pharmacy assistant like a kindergartner who needs to pee. She was like "yes?" and I was all "oh my god does that machine fill prescriptions all by itself? Does it have like the top 100 drugs in it?" and she replied "No, it has the 100 most frequently prescribed drugs in it" as if I hadn't just said that, but whatever, and I was like "and so it puts on the label and picks the right bottle size and counts the pills and puts warning stickers on it too?" and she begrudgingly admitted that that was the case, adding finally, with a hint of a grin: "we just got it." And I said a little too loudly "WELL I THINK THAT'S AWESOME." She stared at me a sec. And then told me that in fact she couldn't fill my script this century but I could come back when the next ice age began and I was all "later for that noize bitches" but secretly I didn't care because that pill robot was the motherfucking shiznit.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
-
misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
-
tattoos in the Courier font
-
any use of Comic Sans