UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE

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PAGES UD MADE:

My Books Page

My Reviews Page

My Reference Page

My Music Page

My Pictures

My Store



UD-RELATED PAGES:

My LiveJournal

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My Flickr page

My del.icio.us page

My Last.fm page

My Amazon Wishlist




HEAVY ROTATION

Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes




BLOGS ETC

claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

dead amusement pks
craters!


all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield



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PRAISE & REVIEWS

"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

Razor Ection



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WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

Wednesday, August 23, 2006
 
Being a superfamous A-list celebrity requires so many traits in combination -- talent, ambition, focus, emotional fortitude, charisma, looks, etc -- that I think it's impossible to make someone into a star who isn't already multiply gifted in a predestined kinda way. The myths of "luck" and "the big break" are somewhere between anecdotal and irrelevant, and serve mostly to contribute to the delusions of people who ain't got it and never will (otherwise known as "waiters"). The looks part is important but standards change over time, so your looks have to resonate with the public at the moment of your potential fame. AND bigtime film stardom requires the biggest stars to look "good" from the most possible angles (do you have a "good side"? some people just don't) and in the largest variety of clothes, and often without clothes (good here just meaning that you fit within specific margins of acceptable weight, proportion, etc etc etc). I'm saying that N*Sync may have been "created," but really the process of making a boy band involves seeking out kids with the Fame Qualities and jamming the five best ones together and crossing your fingers. (Do you remember how popular New Kids on the Block were at their height? Sheeit.) Good songwriting helps, but if your stars ain't got it, your good song can too easily become the One-Hit Wonder's one hit.
     N*Sync might have culled the kids with the highest FQ (Fame Quotient) at the time of their selection, but only one of them looks to have staying power. It's not the one whose name is funny if you say it "Fat One" instead of "Fa-Tone." So the FQ is always in flux, maybe, or maybe emotional fortitude only gets revealed over time, or the public's taste for your look abates, or you focus on things other than fame, like, I dunno, family, or life, or whatever. Then your fame is fucked. Which: congratulations! Fame is for chumps!
     (Reality shows illustrate the doom of a lopsided FQ really clearly. The main requirements for participation in your typical reality show are ambition, extroversion, and volatility. Ambition is one of the key elements of fame, but alone it is NEVER enough. Extroversion is unnecessary and volatility is a liability. Some shows focus on a specific aspect of the quotient, like looks for America's Next Top Model, or talent (I guess) for Project Runway or American Idol, but really. The lopsided FQ will prevent any aspirant from achieveing a-list fame; as an exercise, you can try to name five people who got famous through reality TV who will still be relevant in five years. Meet me by the statue of Garibaldi in Washington Square Park in 2011 and we can see how you did.)
     Anyway, who cares. I feel like I could go on about this forever, but I'd get super depressed.

LINKS YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN BY NOW BUT FUCK IT:
The Top 10 Will Ferrell SNL skits ever. Neil Diamond and Harry Caray are just unbelievable. Also, it seems that WF relies a lot on shouting for his comedy, and on the phrase "smack you in the mouth."

• Check out this artist description from AllMusic of mostly forgotten but Wu-sampled girl grouper Wendy Rene. The second paragraph is the best Easter egg I've ever seen on AllMusic. Read it before they delete it.

Pitchfork's Top 100 Albums of the 1990s is a three year old feature that I'd never seen before. What's my problem? The album images are all missing, but the list is still captivating if you're into music and you came of musical age in the 90s. Don't skip ahead to the end, either, it's really cool if you count down with them in order. I kept on thinking of albums that I thought should be there, and I'd scroll all slowly like "is it... is it... no.... is it..." and every time one I loved was there I jizzed in my jeans. Also, one of my favorites made #11 and I totally didn't think anybody else even liked it. Only one album that I think should have been there was completely forgotten, but I'M SURE IT WAS AN OVERSIGHT. Lists can be reductive and irritating, but they can also be really helpful and satisfying, and my favorite thing about this one is that it makes a hell of a lot more sense to make "Best Album" lists for short chunks of time than for, like, Ever.

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
-
"from whence"
-
"...the exception that proves the rule"
-
any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
-
the phrase "drop trou"
-
fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
-
"expat"
-
the euphemism
"passed away"
-
pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")



PET PEEVES

"confinscated"
-
trying children "as adults"
-
"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans