Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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feed it up! | UD email

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  LIKE MAKING BLOG OUT OF NOTHING AT ALL

I just bought Lady Sovereign's album at a store. What can I say? She told me to support her in her song, and when I saw in the Times (!) that "[a Hot 97 program director] said it would be hard for her to succeed where male British rappers like Mike Skinner, aka The Streets, have failed," (and I'm like, The Streets failed? Shit, bitch! What does it take to succeed in this context? I hate the music business!) it seemed appropriate to put my nonexistent money where my "Downloading Doesn't Hurt Sales Because I still Buy CDs" mouth is. It's fucking great.
The biggest tragedy in losing my cell phone would not be losing my phone numbers, although that would suck hobo cock. The real loss to the community of people who use my phone would be all the words that I have added to the T9 word-recognizion software's custom dictionary. I can't express myself properly without words like: plumper, boo, ungh, enh, fucktard, fuck, shit, niggaz, sheezy, magrizzle, narc, riddim, awoogah, and foofaraw.
Walking around on Halloween in lower Manhattan is terrifying. Everyone looked they had been invited to a biiig theme party, to which I had NOT been invited, called The Whores and Douchebags Party.
I got so mad the other day at a broken chopstick that came with my lunch. I was like GODDAMN IT NOW THIS and I felt utterly incapable of eating my lunch with anything but chopsticks. In retrospect I probably could have managed it with a fork. But instead, I repaired the broken chopstick with scotch tape and wolfed down my food in blind rage, with sticks.
JAMAICAN CO-WORKER: Do you think they 'ave ribs in 'eaven? I'm a eat ribs alla TIME in heaven.
UD: Ribs? You're gonna eat ribs all the time? That's heaven?
JC-W: (gets faraway look in eyes) Oh yes.
UD: Well if you eat ribs all the time, will you have to go to the bathroom in heaven too?
(long pause)
JC-W: Shit! [UD]! You just blew my MIN'.... Me nevva tink about de TAILET! I'm just workin' so 'ard to get into 'eaven I want to know wha's on the menu! BUT I NEVVA TINK ABOUT THE FACILITIES.
Cedric Bixler-Zavala, singer of The Mars Volta, does not just have a fake name -- he is a fake person. I do not believe that his voice is real. He's a vatgrown cyborg spawned from Robert Plant and a Moog synthesizer.
     If I had a fake name of my own, it would be one that would be hard to understand or spell, so that when I was giving my name to the hostess of a fancy restaurant, she'd have to ask me to repeat it.
     For this purpose I like the fakeronym "Gay Schechter," which could be plausibly pronounced "Gayish Hector" at first, but then, when said slowly, would still seem wrong. And then if they're like "can you spell the last name" I say "S-C-H-E-C-H-T-E-R" really fast and get all exasperated if they don't get it, and then I can go "Schechter! Like the Philosopher!" just to fuck with their confidence even further.
     And of course if they ask for the first name I get to shout "GAY" at them really loud.

Other names to give to snooty Hostesses or Maitres-D':
• Guy Gretsch-Harmon, pronounced "ghee-gret sharmin"
• Tiger Ganger, which is just funny no matter what
• King Hungry VIII
posted by Universal Donor 12:49 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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