Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  So now drinking water is supposed to be good for me? I'm not supposed to drink only coffee? Coffee has water in it. I prefer water with just about ANYTHING in it to water sans serif. Water that pays no attention to my needs is reflexively denied entry to my arid gastrointestinal byways. My tongue just won't let it through, waggling all here and there like "nuh-uh, water!" Lately I've been putting this Airborne crap into my water because it makes it fizzy for about 5 minutes, makes it taste vaguely like a pink grapefruit, and it leaves a chicken-fat-like scum all over my cup. Oh yeah, and it was created by a second grade school teacher. Why do they say that? Why do they hype the fuck out of that dubiously beneficial fact all over the package and website? Am I supposed to trust a school teacher with my health over, say, a health professional? Perhaps -- Josef Mengele was a doctor, after all.
     If I had a point when I started that paragraph, it was going to be that I don't like this whole "drink more water" health plan for the same reasons I don't like the "eat healthy" plan or the "exercize regularly" plan or the "get more than 3 hours sleep a night" plan: It just seems like it could get out of hand. Not only do people seem to be suggesting that I drink more water today, it seems they are recommending that I continue to do so essentially FOREVER. That just seems stupid. And I have to tell you, I think I eliminate most of the water I drink through urination, often within an hour of drinking it. To me this is like taking a pill that falls from your mouth directly down a tube and out of your ass onto the floor. What can the point be? What can the benefit be? Why am I wasting my PRECIOUS PRECIOUS TIME putting this clear liquid in me? Won't my liver, or my kidneys, OR WHATEVER MAKES PEE get out of shape if I coddle it so? What will happen if I drink something poisonous?


Can we all stop pretending, as a society, that Crocs are fit for humans to wear in public? I simply do not understand how people can be so glaringly clueless. I am not exactly a fashion plate, and like many men, I think nothing of buying a pair of sneakers and wearing them until they fall off. But I don't wear fucking traffic cones on my feet and go out for the night like it's no biggie. It's a fucking biggie, people. Has somebody already said that they look like Fischer Price's My First Flip Flop, with enclosed toes and safety straps for retarded children? Because they do. You look like you just stepped in a big steaming pile of Toys 'R' Us.
posted by Universal Donor 3:32 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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