Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  In order to sink successfully into this blogmire, I must cultivate, at least for a short period of time, an attitude of frustration, judgment, superiority, and anger. That was easy as microwave dinner when I felt that way all the time, but when I find myself at relative peace with the world -- which, bizarrely enough, I do, right now -- it seems like a chore at best and downright dangerous at worst.
     If you want to monkey-wrench a good mood for the sake of blogging, I recommend trying to buy something from a store staffed entirely by idiots. It won't be hard to find one if you look! I got sullen at the Duane Reade that they haven't gotten the memo about how separate lines for multiple registers may be more convenient for DR Management or whatever but are UNIVERSALLY UNFAIR and morally wrong. I call them Hitler lines. Give us a fucking Tensabarrier labyrinth and feed us flowingly into a stream of constant commerce, dammnit!
     Then I almost had a tantrum/meltdown at the Au Bon Pain when the general manager displayed fairly typical ignorance of the economic nuances inherent in a promotion. In short, I got mad because she wouldn't give me a free cup. A FREE CUP GODDAMNIT. What is my problem?
     On a positive note, I got a vibrating watch in a fit of Uncontrollable Shopping Impulsivity, and I must say it is the coolest thing ever, impulsive or not. I set it to vibrate every 23 minutes (O my fucking Schumacher!) to remind me to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I am in love with it. It buzzes and it's like a little voice in my head is saying "stop thinking those awful thoughts," or "untense those shoulders," or "put down the machete and untie the prostitute."
     However, I'm experiencing a variation of the "man with a hammer" syndrome (which states that, to a man with a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail); I'm starting to view the world's problems as solvable through the employment of vibrating watches. Think you have a problem that you can't fix? Bring it, and I will bring two vibrating alarms, a vibrating stopwatch, and a vibrating countdown timer, and we'll see what we come up with.

FOR EXTRA CREDIT:
1. Is the above serious?
2. If so, how much of it?
3. Is it all a failed experiment as outlined in the first sentence?
4. Why would anyone care either way?
5. Where the fuck are my goddamn shoes?
posted by Universal Donor 5:11 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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