Universal Donor
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  THE KNIFE-FIGHTING BLURB WAS A RED HERRING YOU FOOLS
I post today out of a sense of bloggy duty, not because I am dripping with ire or oozing insight. In fact, I may be repeating myself a bit. Having disclaimed any responsibility to be original, I grant you permission to read further at your own nauseous risk.
     
RIGHTNESS
I don't think I'm right about everything. I just tend to think I'm right about the stuff I've thought about; the reason I think I'm right about a lot of things is that I have actually thought about a lot of things. Important things. Whereas you think a lot about things like whether ScarJo gave Pete Wentz a hummer at the VMAs.
     Apart from celebrity gossip, your "beliefs" and "opinions," such as they are, are mostly received wisdom from your parents, teachers, or peers, or perhaps your psychic friend. Don't beat yourself up about this -- that's how everybody starts!
     The good news is that you can replace received wisdom with, like, earned wisdom by just thinking about things. The bad news is that if you may still end up wrong. Figuring out whether this is the fault of your flawed education, shitty role models, inborn stupidity, or inherent badness is possible, but not particularly useful. If you can't seem to earn wisdom no matter how hard you think, don't despair: the shortcut to rightness is to improve the wisdom you receive. How? By listening to ME. Yay! Call for pricing.

DISAGREEMENT
I believe that if someone doesn't agree with me about something, there are two possible explanations:
     1) a miscommunication has occurred, or
     2) we have an irreconcilably fundamental disagreement.
This is why I argue passionately (insistently, obnoxiously): If I don't think there is a fundamental disagreement, I want to find and eradicate the source of the miscommunication. However, if there is a fundamental disagreement, let's locate it, then change the subject and talk about cake instead. Do you like red velvet cake? OMG me too.

IF PUNS ARE THE LOWEST FORM OF HUMOR I MUST HAVE A WORM IN MY HEAD, AND IT SHAT THIS OUT:
Handing the keys to the naked shrimp who was in a hurry, the Hertz agent said: "you may proceed to your car apace." OH BARF KILL ME NOW

THE GAME OF WHAT YOU LIKE
So here's the game I made up yesterday.
     1) Write down all the qualities that you are looking for in a BF/GF/partner/mate or whatever. Did you put humor, talent, good looks, moral character? Stuff like that? A list of traits you respect? FANTASTIC.
     2) Now make a list of your exes, and come up with a really honest list of their attributes.
     3) Circle the traits that most often occur in your exes.
     4) Make a new, clean list of the attributes shared by your exes. Burn the rest of your work festively.
     OKAY SO. You may think you are simply holding proof of the compromises required to navigate the Sargasso of dating until you reach the promised land of coupled bliss. But this unburned list is what you actually seek out, as opposed to what you think you seek out. Maybe you see traits like emotionally unavailable, alcoholic, distracted, unambitious, borderline sociopathic. This list is your history, but it doesn't have to be your destiny.
     If your lists from steps 1 and 4 vary drastically, it seems like you are either lying to yourself about what you want, or your partner-picking instincts are VERY BAD. You may want to change your selection process. Here are a few quick tips that should be helpful for my readership in particular:
     1) Try not to fuck people you have only experienced while intoxicated.
     2) Try not to fuck people within 24 hours of meeting them.
     3) If you can't manage that, then try not to start DATING people just because you've fucked them, while drunk, the night you met them.
posted by Universal Donor 1:29 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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