Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  WHET THY WHISTLE
I had a sandwich with onions on it for lunch, and didja ever notice how you can't get the smell of onions off your fingers, no matter how much you wash? Same thing with the stench of a hobo's nutsack. Hard to shake. Unlike a loud, attention-seeking baby, which is easy to shake. [Textual appetizer complete. Proceed to entree.]

TAKE A LOOK DEEP INSIDE ME
I had an esophagogastroduodenoscopy last week, which means a doctor put a camera into my belly and recorded the journey for posterity. Before you get all excited and start sending jellybeans, painkillers, or samplers cross-stitched with homilies of wellness, let me hip you to the routine and non-exciting nature of the procedure. (While Acid Reflux is a badass screen name for your futuristic online role-playing game character, it is also a medical condition which, while under control now, might have done some damage to my GI tract during the years it was only nominally controlled by the nonstop ingestion of Tums.) So they took a little look-see, a little fucking peekaboo.
     So after the procedure, they handed my sedative-addled, drooling self a sheet of paper and shoved me into traffic. I didn't look at it until today. Turns out it was my "Discharge Instructions" (which: heh), and at the bottom was the following admonition:

If you received any sedative or anesthetic drugs today, you should not drive nor make any major decisions for at least 24 hours.

NOW they tell me. Sheesh. I'm supposed to read instructions while sedated? Well shit. Umm....

MAJOR DECISIONS I MADE WHILE SEDATED
     • Sold all my Google stock; used money to buy lizard chow
     • Started an all Ho-Ho diet
     • Donated 1.5 kidneys (I was already in the hospital, see)
     • Shaved eyebrows, thighs
     • Began living the principle

But the fuckery of the warning continues:

If you have had an anesthetic you may experience drowsiness, difficulty in concentrating, and general uneasiness for the next one or two days.

Dude. Fuck the next one or two days -- you just described my entire fucking life. Whose cute idea was it to smear transdermal sedatives onto my pillowcase since I was like thirteen? I AM LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION, FATHER. NOT FUNNY.
posted by Universal Donor 2:09 PM 0 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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