Universal Donor
We can ill afford
another Klendathu

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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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Dan Deacon:
Bromst
Animal Collective:
Merriweather Post Pavillion
Bon Iver:
For Emma, Forever Ago
Vampire Weekend:
Vampire Weekend
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2010
Jeremy Broomfield

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  SITE STATS



PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
• from Google
• from Yahoo



and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  THE ABSOLUTE LAZIEST AFRICAN INTERNET SCAM I'VE EVER SEEN

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from: astra_turist
reply-to: tobaccodept09@9.cn
to: jeremybroomfield@gmail.com
date: Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 5:16 AM
subject: Winner

You are a winner of £1,000,000.Reply back with your Name: Occupation: Country: Sex

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Really, Africa? This is the best you can do? You have gotten LAZY. I have received so many tantalizing invitations to wealth from the cradle of civilization that I have come to rely on you for inspiration -- for dreams. I don't even HAVE dreams anymore. I just open my inbox and read a fraudulent attempt to prey on my greed. Because really, you give me much more credit for greed than I deserve. You allow my greed to be boundless, totally unrealistic. I used to dream of a modest rockstardom, allowing me a comfortable living, maybe a cool million in pre-tax record sales. A million dollars? That's PATHETIC! You gotta help me see the bigger picture.
     This miserable one-line come-on is the absolute worst I've ever seen. Take a cue from Mr. Chen Guangyuan, who spins me an dream with an Asian flavor:

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from: Mr. Chen Guangyuan
subject: I am contacting you in reference to an investment opportunity

Dear Friend, [polite!]

I am a staff of Bank Of China,Hong Kong attached in Private Banking services; I am contacting you in reference to an investment opportunity which I believe would be of significant reward to the parties involved. [I'm listening...] Its about a customer that came to Bank Of China,Hong Kong to engage in Private Banking services. The customer had a financial portfolio of $24,500,000.00 [Holy shit! Wow!] and this I help turned over in the purchase of securities in the capital markets....

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Now THAT is a grabber of an opening paragraph. Or would you like a little blasphemy with your fraud? Check this shit out:

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from: helenesneddon@canoemail.com
subject: MRS HELENE SNEDDON USE THIS FUND

Dearly Beloved in Christ [oh hai!]
...
I selected you after browsing the Internet for this purpose and prayed over it, for the fact that I always go to God in prayers in situation like this, because He is the Alfa and Omega. I am willing to donate all the money I have in the bank, which is US$15,000,000.00 (Fifteen Million United States Dollars) to you for the development of evangelism and also as aids for the less privileged around you.


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Develop my evangelism by giving AIDS to the less privileged? Hell YES! Why didn't I think of that year ago? It's so SIMPLE. And profitable! US$15,000,000.00 is buys a lot of the stuff I like to buy! I'm so excited I can't even remember what I like to buy!!!!

Anyway, my point is: Don't be lazy, Africa. I depend on your for my dreams. I will expect more of you when I am within your borders.
posted by Universal Donor 9:17 AM 2 comments

OTHER REVIEWS:
Scrabble NEW!

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"
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misuse of reflexive pronouns, as when someone says "Please talk to Bob or myself." Come on people now. "Myself" is not just a fancy version of "me"! LEARN IT.
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tattoos in the Courier font
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any use of Comic Sans

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